Fruit Looped
by NieveDrop
Summary: A series of fruit-themed, unrelated Bleach one-shots written in collaboration with xxxKei. Each chapter/one shot will be rated separately, but overall rating of M as a certain collaborator will be unlikely to stay away from a certain citrus fruit. Cover by DA's rhavencometa.
1. Defining Berry

******A/N** ___- __Despite its poor grammar, credit to the cap of my Snapple Peach Iced Tea for the inspiration and thanks to my collaborator Baby Boo for the encouragement to start writing & the final line__._

_Because "a vague disclaimer is nobody's friend," **Bleach** & its characters are the property of Tite Kubo. That quotation belongs to Willow Rosenberg.  
_

**Ch. Rating: **T, for suggestiveness._  
_

* * *

**_Defining Berry_**

The lunch bell rang, and the usual gang made their way to the rooftop. Or most of the usual gang. With Renji visiting from Soul Society today, it took one low growl from the 6th Division Lieutenant to limit the pairs of feet ascending the staircase to the roof.

Pleased with the result of his warning snarl, Renji joined Rukia, Ichigo, Orihime, Tatsuki, Uryu, and Chad in the midday sun. Renji plopped himself down across from Rukia and looked around helplessly as the Karakura High students began opening their bento boxes. He knew he forgot to pick up something at Urahara Shoten before he joined the gang at school.

Orihime noticed Renji's distress first. "Abarai-kun, would you like to share my lunch? I made rice balls with wasabi, gum drops, and red bean paste. I have more than enough," she offered sweetly.

Nobody could look either one of them in the eye as they tried to keep their stomachs under control. "Uh, thanks for the offer, Orihime," Renji smiled awkwardly, "but I know Rukia won't mind sharing with me." His pleading eyes focused on the raven-haired girl across of him.

Rukia arched an elegant eyebrow at Renji's incorrect assessment. Nevertheless, she pushed her bento across the circle knowing that Renji's idea of _sharing_ actually meant _mooching_. She sighed at losing the delicious lunch Yuzu had prepared for her that morning.

"Are you sure, Abarai-kun?" Orihime asked. "I don't mind at all."

"Nah, I'm good." Renji shoved in a spring roll and mumbled through a mouth full of food, "Thanks, Rukia. You're the best."

Tatsuki slapped Renji across the chest. "Don't talk with your mouth full, Pineapple." The two fighters began their usual trading of insults; Tatsuki saved them up especially for Renji's visits.

Before Rukia's sigh had even escaped past her lips, Ichigo was already on the case. Rolling his eyes at Renji's self-invitation to Rukia's lunch, Ichigo moved his bento box between the petite soul reaper and himself. As he did so, he noticed Yuzu had packed extra cucumbers. His little sister may have limited spiritual power, but she seemed to have a sixth sense about being prepared for the unexpected when it came to making meals. He smiled to himself as he moved the cucumbers over to Rukia's side of the box and went on autopilot and opened her juice box, too. Ichigo's actions did not go unnoticed by Uryu or Chad; the Quincy and the giant shared a look.

Everyone settled into enjoying their lunches. Orihime stuffed a rice ball in her mouth, puffing her cheeks out like a chipmunk. Her eyes closed in a joyful smile as she bit into her unique delicacy. "Mmm... these are even better than I expected," she drooled.

"Orihime, you have the strongest stomach of anyone I've ever met," Tatsuki sighed and shook her head. Uryu nodded in agreement.

As he watched Renji scarf down Rukia's lunch, the brief smile that graced Ichigo's lips reset into his perpetual scowl. Rukia began picking through the cucumbers in Ichigo's bento box. Having noticed he moved them all to her side, she whispered a quiet and smiling, "Baka."

The lunchtime conversation was dominated mostly by Renji and Tatsuki's friendly bickering - the loudest two of the gathered friends. That was until Orihime finished chewing her second rice ball and picked up her juice box. It was her favorite time of the lunch period - sharing the random facts found printed on their juice boxes. She was always satisfied that she learned something new every day.

"Factoid time!" Orihime exclaimed while clapping her hands in excitement.

"Huh?" Renji asked, confused by Orihime's sudden enthusiasm.

"Ishida-kun, would you like to start?" Orihime politely asked the Quincy.

Uryu pushed up his glasses in the hope she wouldn't notice his blush. He cleared his throat and began, "Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body. If you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief."

Renji still wasn't sure what was going on, but he kept a mental note to have a banana handy if he ever had to eat Orihime's cooking again.

Chad was next. "Orangutans love mangoes." He smiled thinking of a cute baby orangutan eating a mango.

"My turn," Rukia called out. "According to the Dead Sea scrolls, cherry seeds have satanic power."

"Just like some Midget I know," Ichigo muttered under his breath.

"I heard that, Strawberry," Rukia shot back and poked him in the side with her chopsticks.

"Hmm," Orihime tapped her finger against her chin. "All of today's facts seem to mention fruit. I wonder if mine will, too." Orihime turned her own juice box to its side and read aloud the factoid she found there. "A pineapple is neither an apple nor a pine. It is, in fact, a large berry."

At Orihime's proclamation, the group fell silent. All eyes but Orihime's were focused on Renji and Ichigo. Orihime, on the other hand, had already moved on to read the back of Tatsuki's juice box to discover what interesting fact she could also learn there. Rukia broke the silence after she looked between Ichigo and Renji, a glint of mischief in sparkling in her sapphire eyes. "Oh, so does that make you brothers?" she quipped casually.

Orihime looked confused while Uryu pushed up his glasses again in an attempt to cover his loud snort. Even Chad could not hide a low chuckle. Meanwhile, Tatsuki was beside herself with laughter.

Renji narrowed his eyes at his best friend and laughed dryly, "Haha. Very funny."

Rukia responded with a large grin, "I thought so."

Ichigo's eyes flashed with anger and his face set in a harder scowl. "Oi, Midget! How many times do I have to tell you? My name means one who protects."

Rukia continued to stare at him with that same playfulness. "That's too bad. I really like berries, too," she innocently mused as she popped another slice of cucumber into her mouth.

Ichigo could no longer keep her eye contact and looked away in a huff. "Che. Whatever." As Ichigo read his juice box, a smug smirk crossed his face. "Just so you know, a strawberry is not an actual berry, but a banana is."

For the second time during lunch, silence descended upon the group. Again, Rukia broke the silence, "Oh really now?" She raised both of her eyebrows and continued to hold Ichigo's gaze with an evil gleam in her eyes.

When Uryu offered a fake cough to cover the awkwardness of the moment, Ichigo's eyes bulged as he realized what he had just read. "Pervert," he sighed in defeat, looking at anything but his friends as a new wave of laughter overtook them.

When the laughter finally died down, they returned to eating. Savoring her juice box, Rukia surreptitiously glanced at Ichigo out of the corner of her eye. She saw the tips of his ears turning a light shade of pink, trying unsuccessfully not to notice her glances. Her lips could no longer hide the giggle that was bubbling in her belly as she added her final thought.

"Add in some Yuzu, and you have a whole fruit salad."

_**-ND**  
_


	2. The Pitfalls of Competition

**A/N** - _Thank you for the warm welcome. This is our first co-written piece.  
_  
**Ch. Rating** = K+ (_didn't think xxxK would have a K+ work attached to her name, did you?_)

* * *

**_The Pitfalls of Competition_**

Rukia stretched as she woke up to the smells of breakfast coming from the kitchen. It was Saturday - a perfectly good day to be lazy. She blinked a few times adjusting to the bright sun coming through the window before she noticed Karin putting on her football socks.

" 'Morning, Rukia. Wanna come watch my game today?" Karin asked with excitement.

Having finished her homework the night before, Rukia had no plans for the weekend. Plus, it looked like it was a gorgeous early autumn day outside. "Sure, Karin, I'd love to see you play."

"Great! I'm going to head down to breakfast before Ichi-nii eats all the eggs."

Rukia laughed, "I'll be down in a minute; I want to wash up first."

"Better hurry," Karin called out as she raced through the hall and down the stairs.

* * *

Yuzu, as always, was making breakfast for the whole family. Rukia would never admit it to Ichigo, but she envied Yuzu's cooking talent a lot, and she wished to become like her one day. The honey-haired girl, however, lacked her usual sweet smile. Instead, her brows were knitted in thought as she looked through the reusable cloth grocery store bag. Rukia caught the young girl's distress as she entered the kitchen.

"Good morning, Yuzu. What's the matter?" asked Rukia casually. Karin was already stuffing her face with eggs, filling herself up with energy for the football match. Ichigo, on the other hand, ignored them and lounged on the kitchen table. It was a habit. So was the smack Rukia gave Ichigo's head as she walked past.

"Ow! Damn Midget," he mumbled, rubbing his head.

"Well," started Yuzu. "Rukia-nee, I heard you were going to Karin's game with us. So I decided to make us up food for a picnic! But Otou-san bought both strawberries AND a pineapple from the store! I don't know which one to prepare for you!"

While Rukia smiled at the girl's worry, Ichigo almost choked on his tea upon hearing about it. Strawberry. Pineapple. Strawberry. Pineapple. Ichigo's scowl grew more apparent, and he could feel his blood vessels start popping. That Midget had better pick the strawberries or else!

"Onii-chan, why is your face throbbing?" Yuzu asked innocently.

"Huh? Oh, nothing!" he scowled and eyed Rukia closely.

Karin looked up from her breakfast quite amused by her brother's antics. "Maybe Rukia-chan wants her favorite fruit at the picnic," Karin casually offered.

"Oh yes!" Yuzu responded. She looked at Rukia full of anticipation. "So, Rukia-nee, what your favorite fruit?"

"Yes, Rukia, what _is_ your favorite fruit?" Ichigo twitched and looked between Karin and his petite friend threateningly. Karin just smirked at Ichigo's reaction.

The soul reaper blinked, taken aback by Ichigo's unusual behavior. 'What the hell is his issue?' she thought.

"Ah, well, Yuzu-chan, why don't you decide for me, ne?"

"Rukia-chan, if you're that uncertain, why don't you let me help?" Karin suggested, her smirk growing wider. "I think you really want... OW!" She stopped short, glaring daggers at Ichigo, who had just kicked her under the table.

"I'm sure either of you will come up with an appropriate decision," Rukia answered. "I have to get some things for the game from Ichigo's room."

"Yeah, like I don't know you snoop around and sleep in the closet, Midget!" he called after the girl who disappeared up the staircase.

Yuzu blinked ignorantly and turned to the grocery bag. "Okay then, let's see, would Rukia-nee prefer the pineapple or the strawberries?"

Before she could do anything else, her brother's hand was buried inside the cloth reusable bag. Ichigo grabbed the pineapple, opened the kitchen window, and threw it outside.

"ONII-CHAN!" Yuzu exclaimed in shock. "What are you doing?"

"Yeah, Ichi-nii, way to waste money," Karin added.

"Now you don't have to decide," he answered smugly and plopped back on the table to finish his tea.

Just as he settled in to sip his tea, there was a knock at the front door. All three siblings just sat there.

Upset from her earlier comments, Ichigo finally spoke. "Make yourself useful, Karin, and answer the door."

Karin looked at her brother indignantly, "I have to get ready for my match. Get it yourself."

At Ichigo's growl, Yuzu asked, "Could you please answer the door, Onii-chan? I don't want to burn breakfast."

"Fine," Ichigo huffed and drew himself up to answer the door. "This better be good, bothering us during breakfast," he mumbled to himself as he approached the door. When he opened the door, he could not be more surprised to see who was there.

"Oh H-h-hello, Ichigo!" Hanataro stood nervously outside the door holding a large box. "Is R-r-rukia here? I have a delivery for her from Soul Society."

"Yo Midget!" Ichigo called up the stairs.

"What do you want, Berry? I'm busy," Rukia shouted back.

"No you're not. Just get down here." He stood with his arms crossed and tried not to look at the Fourth Division 7th seated officer with curiosity.

"C-c-captain Unohana sent me to heal Zennosuke Kurumadani, who was hurt during a low-level Hollow attack." Ichigo rolled his eyes and scoffed as Hanataro continued. "When C-c-captain K-k-kuchiki found out, he wanted me to bring this with me to present to Rukia." Hanatoro pointed to the box in his hands.

Bounding down the staircase, Rukia caught the end of Hanataro's statement.

"Hanataro!" Rukia smiled. "What a wonderful surprise! Did you say Nii-sama sent something?"

"Yes!" Hanataro replied with too much enthusiasm for Ichigo's taste. "C-c-captain K-k-kuchiki said I should deliver this to you immediately." Hanataro smiled awkwardly and handed Rukia the package.

"Thank you!" Rukia wanted to rip the package open, but she knew that would appear rude. She tried not to sway from one foot to another as she impatiently waited for Hanataro to say more.

"Is that all?" Ichigo rudely asked.

Rukia kicked Ichigo in the shin. "Don't be rude, Baka!"

"Damn Midget. Well, are you going to open it?"

Rukia didn't need to be told twice; she ran to the living room and started tearing into the package.

"Oh, there is a note inside," Hanataro stated from the doorway.

She found the note from Byakuya:

_I thought you would enjoy a small taste of home._

_-B_

She pulled back the tissue paper, and to Rukia's delight the vision of ripe, red cherries appeared before her. She gasped in excitement, "These must be from the Kuchiki Gardens!"

Ichigo was unsuccessful at seeing what was in the box as Rukia dashed off with it to the kitchen. 'What was she so excited about?' he wondered.

"Yuzu-chan! Yuzu-chan!" Rukia exclaimed.

Yuzu stopped the preparation of sandwiches for the picnic and looked at the raven-haired beauty with curiosity. "What is it, Rukia-nee?"

"Don't worry about deciding which fruit to pack for me," Rukia explained. "Nii-sama sent cherries from home. I want these." She jumped up and down with absolute joy.

Hanataro nervously entered the house and followed the voices to the kitchen. "R-r-rukia-san?" he hesitantly approached.

Rukia stopped jumping and looked to her colleague. "What is it, Hanataro?" she inquired.

"Um, well, it's just that the rest of the package is still outside."

"WHAT?" Ichigo yelled. "There's more?"

"Y-y-yes," Hanataro flinched as he answered.

Rukia ran to the front door that was still standing open. Parked in front of the Kurosaki Clinic was a large truck. Rukia inquisitorially looked back at Hanataro. "The whole truck?"

Hanataro nodded.

"Byakuya sent you a TRUCK full of these things?" Ichigo fumed as the three siblings and Rukia made their way outside to view the full delivery.

Rukia squealed with delight. "Nii-sama is so thoughtful," she sighed and raced to the truck, where she saw the Kuchiki sakuranbo flowing freely from the open back end.

When Ichigo noted the proud smile adorning Rukia's face, his insides churned.

Hanataro thought it best to avoid any upcoming scenes between the substitute soul reaper and the Kuchiki princess. "Well, I b-b-better find Kurumadani and see how badly he is injured. I'll be back later to pick up the truck. It was nice seeing you, Rukia. Ichigo." He bowed slightly and slowly backed away from Ichigo, whose reiatsu was darkly flaring.

"Thank you again," Rukia called out and waved as Hanataro nervously ran off.

Karin saw the look of defeat on Ichigo's face and could no longer hold back her laughter. "I guess we know what her favorite fruit is now," she chided.

Ichigo scowled at Karin, and muttered under his breath, "Damn Byakuya."

_**- ND & xxxK**_


	3. Gourded Halloween

_**A/N **- A little rushed, but I wanted to give you all a Halloween treat for my favorite holiday! _

**Ch. Rating = **T, for suggestiveness.

* * *

_Fruit-o'-Lantern_

The Senkaimon opened. A petite figure raced out upon her return to the Living World and quickly entered her Gigai. Rukia was so focused on her present task, she did not notice another figure exit the gate shortly after her and Shunpo away. Rukia's mind was on one thing alone-successfully completing her current mission.

It was grocery shopping day. As such, she had limited time to get her list to Yuzu. Her visit to Soul Society added some serious complications to her objective, and she needed enough time to perfect all the details before the big weekend event.

Racing down the streets of Karakura, Rukia arrived panting in front of the Kurosaki Clinic just as Isshin, Karin, and Yuzu were getting in the family car.

"Wait!" Rukia called out breathlessly.

"Oh, Rukia-nee! Welcome back," Yuzu beamed.

"Hey Rukia," Karin flatly stated.

"My lovely third daughter! How good it is to see you again!" Isshin gushed and wrapped his arms around Rukia in a giant bear hug.

"Hello Yuzu. Karin. Dr. Kurosaki," the soul reaper groaned in Isshin's embrace. His vice-like grip was not helping her catch her breath.

"How many times do I have to tell you? Call me Otou-san!"

"Stop squeezing her to death," Karin yelled, kicking her father in the head.

Rukia nodded in gratitude to Karin but feigned ignorance of Isshin's request. Rather, she turned her attention back to Yuzu. "Looks like I made it just in time. Here." Rukia handed Yuzu a small piece of paper and thought about how much easier this would have been if she could have sent Yuzu a hell butterfly.

Yuzu looked over the paper then nodded. "No problem, Rukia-nee. Otou-san, Karin, and I will be back soon. Oh, and I left some instructions on the counter if you want to help me get started."

Rukia smiled. "Of course! Thank you, Yuzu."

"Karin, text Ichigo and tell him Rukia-chan has returned," Isshin ordered his tomboy daughter. Though Karin looked at her father with a bored expression, she did as requested. "I apologize that my idiot son is not here," Isshin continued. Here was the perfect opportunity for them to have the house to themselves, and Ichigo _had_ to be running errands for Unagiya Ikumi. Isshin shook his head in momentary defeat before perking up. "But he should be back any minute now that he knows my beautiful third daughter is home!"

Rukia nodded and waved them goodbye. She was secretly grateful she had the house to herself to work on her project.

Waiting for them to drive off, Rukia entered the house through Ichigo's open window and immediately approached his closet. Hidden under her bedding, she had stashed few key pieces last week. She pulled them out of the bag, set them on Ichigo's bed, and was satisfied when she added one more small detail. Now she just had to wait for Yuzu to bring the final parts.

* * *

Ichigo sighed in exhaustion when he returned home an hour later. Unagiya had worked him ragged sending him on crazy errands all around Karakura. He removed his shoes by the door and flopped onto the couch. Just as he was about to doze off, he heard a crash from the kitchen.

Confused by the banging of pans, but not energized enough to get up, Ichigo called out, "Yuzu, is that you? Is everything okay?"

The banging stopped, and a familiar voice echoed back, "They're at the store."

A small smile cracked on his face, and he was about to comfortably fall asleep until he heard, "What's a double boiler look like?"

When he didn't immediately respond, he heard the clanging begin again. His eyes popped open. Rukia attempting to cook something in the kitchen? Alone?! Sudden images of Armageddon crossed his mind. Had the kitchen not been mere steps away, he would have shunpoed there to prevent the pending disaster. Instead, he catapulted over the back of the couch to see what damage the petite Soul Reaper already caused.

Decorating the counters, Ichigo observed every pot and pan they owned. He pinched the bridge of his nose before asking, "What do you think you are doing with this mess, Midget?"

Rukia's eyes narrowed slightly. "I asked what a double boiler looks like. And if you had simply answered me the first time, there wouldn't be a 'mess' as you call it."

The two held a glaring contest until Rukia decided to regain her sense of maturity. "Yuzu asked me to start gathering the things we need to make caramel apples. And the instructions require a double boiler."

Ichigo just stared blankly. "Caramel apples?"

"Yes, for the party tomorrow night. We are supposed to bring something." She pointed over to the orange and black invitation caught under a Karakura Football club magnet.

Ichigo groaned. Oh that. For the past two weeks, he had tried his best to ignore that somewhat crinkled offending piece of paper.

* * *

_Dragging Karin behind her, Yuzu burst into Ichigo's room in excitement when she returned home from school. She waved a black envelope in her hands.  
_

_"Onii-chan, Rukia-nee! Look!"  
_

_Yuzu's voice broke Ichigo's concentration on his physics homework, and he turned around at his desk to see what Yuzu was holding. Rukia merely raised her head from the bed, where she was sprawled out reading another manga. Karin crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the door frame.  
_

_"What is it, Yuzu?" Ichigo asked, trying not to sound bored but not rising anywhere near the level of Yuzu's enthusiasm. Unlike her brother, Karin did not hide her boredom.  
_

_"I don't know," Yuzu stated. "It's addressed to all of us-including Rukia-nee."  
_

_Rukia raised a curious eyebrow at this announcement.  
_

_"Then why don't you let Rukia-chan open it," Karin suggested, her interest slightly piqued by Rukia's inclusion in the address.  
_

_Although she was excited by the prospect of opening her first piece of mail in the Living World, Rukia tried to keep her calm Kuchiki demeanor as she tore the seal of the envelope. After reading the contents of the paper inside, she scrunched her brow in confusion.  
_

_"What's wrong, Rukia-nee?" Yuzu worriedly asked.  
_

_"What's Halloween?" Rukia inquired.  
_

_"It's a commercial holiday for kids to dress in ridiculous costumes and beg for free candy from their neighbors," Karin replied._

_"Oh, it is so much fun!" exclaimed Yuzu. "All the stores and streets are decorated with pumpkins and ghosts and bats and witches. Then there's the trick-or-treating on the 31st of the month. They are not ridiculous costumes, Karin. You were very excited about going trick-or-treating last year with me."  
_

_Karin turned a shade of pink in embarrassment and tried to avoid her sister's eyes. She wouldn't admit it, but she enjoyed the holiday.  
_

_"Let me see that." Ichigo grabbed the paper from Rukia's hands and read the message aloud:  
_

_"The humble Urahara Shoten invites you to a  
_

_HALLOWEEN EXTRAVAGANZA  
_

_Come dressed as your favorite hero and enjoy fun and games.  
_

_Bring a holiday treat to share.  
_

_Saturday 19:00 until you pass out."  
_

_"Oh, I see you received Kisuke's invitation," a new voice sounded from behind Karin. "He told me he'd be sending it over."  
_

_Ichigo crumpled the paper. Hat-and-clogs and his old man were up to something, and whatever it was, the Substitute Soul Reaper knew it was no good.  
_

_"Oi! Don't wrinkle it, Berry!" Rukia scolded and took the invitation back. "What does it mean to dress as your favorite hero?"  
_

_"Hmm..." Isshin pondered. "Well, it could be a super hero, like you find in your mangas or a historical figure who did great things or..." he paused for dramatic effect and glanced over all of his children with a twinkle in his eye, "... it could be someone you look up to and admire." Isshin could already see the stars in Yuzu's eyes, a decided smile from Karin, and a glower from his son. Rukia, however, appeared to be in deep concentration.  
_

_"I suppose I will have to give this costume idea some thought," Rukia stated. Ichigo rolled his eyes, and Isshin silently cheered to himself.  
_

_The idea of a costume brought her a new challenge. A hero, she thought. Someone I respected and admired. She stayed lost in thought until her Denreishinki sounded. As she flipped the soul pager open, an inspiration hit her. Upon reading the message, she informed the Kurosakis she was needed back in Soul Society but would return next week. Leaving the family with an idea in mind, Rukia smiled as she set out on two missions: the one from Soul Society and her Halloween costume. It was Rukia's first Halloween party. She couldn't wait._

* * *

Ichigo reluctantly pointed out the double boiler and stood fuming about the party, which left Rukia to put away all the extra pots and pans. Ignoring the unhelpful ginger, Rukia put on some water to boil for tea. A few minutes later, Ichigo was pulled from his silent scowling when he heard Yuzu call from the front door, "We're home!"

Isshin and the Kurosaki twins entered the kitchen carrying the needed groceries. Karin set two bags of apples on the counter, poured herself some tea, and joined Ichigo at the kitchen table. Isshin set the remaining groceries on the counter, and Yuzu began separating them. She handed the waiting Rukia the additional items needed for caramel apples and put the rest away. Then Yuzu came to the last bag and removed two round pieces of fruit.

"Here you are Rukia-nee. You wanted two cantaloupes, right?"

"Yes, thank you, Yuzu?"

"Cantaloupes?" Ichigo raised an eyebrow. "What do you need cantaloupes for?"

"For my costume, of course!" Rukia responded brightly.

Ichigo couldn't fathom what on earth Rukia planned to wear for Halloween that would require cantaloupes, so he continued, "Who are you going as, Carmen Miranda?"

"Who?" Rukia was puzzled. "No, I'm going as Yoruichi-san."

Ichigo's eyes widened. He already did not like where this conversation was going.

"I told Renji about the Halloween party and of my plan to go as Former Taicho Shihoin. But he laughed and told me that I would not be able to go as Yoruichi because I didn't have any cantaloupes. So as soon as I returned, I asked Yuzu to buy some for me," she stated simply.

Yuzu smiled, grateful she could help Rukia with her costume, and took the folded grocery bags to return to the garage. Although Karin did not know who this Yoruichi was, she smirked understanding the meaning behind this Renji's words. Isshin, who was hunched over around around the corner, was crying so as to prevent the children from hearing the laughter bubbling up inside of him. He pulled out his mobile phone and dialed a number.

Meanwhile, Ichigo spit out his tea. "Renji said WHAT?"

"He said that I needed cantaloupes-"

However, Rukia did not complete her retelling. Thankful Yuzu was out of the room, Ichigo used his Daikōshō Shinigami Daikō to pop into his Soul Reaper form and quickly took Zangetsu to the offending fruit. The two cantaloupes were instantly left in slices. Satisfied, Ichigo reentered his dropped body.

As Karin looked on, mildly amused, and Rukia began fisting her hands and gritting her teeth, Isshin turned the corner into the kitchen. "Oh, cantaloupe, what a refreshing snack," he mused and popped a piece into his mouth.

"MY COSTUME!" Rukia started to bolt toward Ichigo.

Isshin blocked Rukia's path and placed a hand on her shoulder. "My lovely third daughter need not worry. I have already made a phone call, and we will have a new costume ready for you tomorrow before the party."

Ichigo was too focused on his own furious thoughts to catch the "we" in his father's statement. If he had, he may have offered to help the raven-haired girl himself.

Rukia, only slightly mollified, stiffly nodded. "Thank you, Dr. Kurosaki."

"What do I keep telling you? Call me, Papa!" Isshin beamed and left the room.

Rukia turned back to the chopped cantaloupe then diverted her glare to Ichigo. Before Rukia could start berating the Substitute, Karin put a few slices of cantaloupe on a plate and commented, "Just be thankful she didn't decide to be Inoue." Rukia and Ichigo turned their quizzical gazes to Karin. "Then she would have needed watermelons."

When Ichigo started growling, Karin raced out of the room with the slices of the orange-colored melon. Saving her brother from further anger and embarrassment, the innocent Yuzu returned to the kitchen and noticed the cantaloupe. "Rukia-nee I thought you needed this for your costume?" she questioned.

"Yes, well, there's been a change of plans," she answered tightly. The orange color reminding her of a certain Substitute, Rukia used a fork to stab the cantaloupe with deadly force.

Ichigo slowly backed out of the kitchen to avoid Rukia turning the fork on him.

Although she was still confused, Yuzu shrugged, and popped some cantaloupe in her mouth. "Okay then. Well, let's get started on the caramel apples! Are you going to help us, Onii-chan?" She looked over her shoulder, but Ichigo was long gone.

* * *

"Well, my lovely daughters, is everyone ready to party?" a grinning Isshin asked the three girls congregating by the front door.

While Rukia and Yuzu responded with excited nods, Karin stared at her father with boredom.

"Onii-chan! Hurry up! We're all going to be late!" Yuzu shouted from the living room.

Ichigo lazily descended the stairs to find his family waiting. Karin was already dressed in the blue and white football uniform with a large "7" on the back. He wasn't surprised to see his sister donning a costume of Midfielder Hidetoshi Nakata. However, he was surprised neither Yuzu nor Rukia were wearing a costume.

Ichigo smirked. "So where's your costume, Midget?"

"Where's yours, Berry?" Rukia challenged.

Yuzu held up a garment bag. "We're helping Urahara-san set up for the party. Rukia-nee and I will change after we decorate. Is that what you're planning to do, too, Onii-chan?"

"Pfft. I'm not going to this stupid party."

Yuzu and Isshin gasped while Rukia and Karin glared at the orange-haired boy. "Why not, Son? Afraid you'll have fun?" Isshin wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Ichigo scoffed, "Halloween parties are for kids. I have better things to do."

The words tumbled from his mouth without thinking how this was Rukia's first time experiencing the holiday; for her, this was something completely new. Ichigo felt a slight chill in the air as Rukia picked up the Tupperware containing the caramel apples and started heading toward the door. "C'mon. We wouldn't want to subject your oh-so-elder brother to such a childish event." With that, she exited the house.

"Way to go, Ichi-nii," Karin stated as she followed Rukia outside. Isshin shook his head and raised his arms up to the sky to ask Masaki how he ended up with such a cruel son. Yuzu gave her brother one last pleading look. When he failed to respond, she dejectedly joined the others in the car.

Ichigo returned to his bedroom, fell onto his bed, and turned on his iPod. At last, peace and quiet all to himself.

* * *

"Jinta-kun, could you hand me the tape, please?" Yuzu asked as she held up the final jack-o-lantern carve-out. Jinta obediently handed her the requested item and blushed lightly at her thanks. "I think we're done!"

"My, my, what a wonderful job you ladies did with my humble home," Urahara complimented. "And you, too, Jinta. Why don't you all go change for the party?"

"Yes, sir!" Yuzu stated as grabbed her garment bag and headed off to change.

"Rukia-chan, I have your costume right over here. Let me show you." Urahara exchanged a wink with Isshin and escorted the Soul Reaper to her wares.

As she passed through the shoji doors, Rukia nearly thought she walked by a mirror. In front of her stood Ururu dressed in a Shihakushō; her two strands of bangs slicked into a single strand in the middle of her forehead. Rukia covered her mouth and allowed a tiny gasp.

"Pardon me, Kuchiki-san," Ururu stated with a slight bow before entering the room. Both girls' cheeks colored a light pink: Ururu because her "hero" was there, and Rukia because she was greatly honored by Ururu's costume selection.

Urahara smiled behind his fan and waited for the real Soul Reaper to follow him. Isshin followed at a distance so he and Kisuke could surreptitiously watch the children.

While the girls were changing, the remaining guests began to arrive. Uryu, Tatsuki, and Chad awkwardly entered the room. All of them had been convinced to attend by the overly excitable Orihime, who had not arrived yet.

"Welcome to the Urahara Shoten Halloween Extravaganza," Ururu politely greeted them with a bow.

The three guests nodded in return. Examining the room, they observed a table covered with various festive foods, decorations lining the walls and dangling down from the ceiling, and holiday-themed games: squash bowling, a wall of orange balloons shaped to form a pumpkin, and bobbing for apples. Seeing the coat hooks near the door, the three hung their outwear and took note of each others' costumes.

The normally recalcitrant Chad was shocked by Tatsuki's appearance. "Arisawa, you're wearing a dress."

"Yes, it is quite exquisite," Uryu commented as he walked in a circle admiring the detail.

Tatsuki was not wearing just any dress. A elaborate long, red base skirt was covered on the top by a red and golden overlay. To one side, she carried a katana, to the other, a quiver of arrows, and in her hand was a spear. "Empress Jingu. The samurai warrior who invaded Korea. Is it really that surprising?"

Both boys looked at each other and responded in unison, "Yes."

Uryu also carried a quiver of arrows with his earth-toned hooded tunic. "So Ishida is dressed as Robin Hood, no surprise there. But who are you, Sado?" From his clothing she knew the costume represented his heritage; however, she was unfamiliar with Mexican history and legends.

"Pancho Villa," Chad responded.

"Ah, the Mexican Revolutionary general," Uryu commented. "Makes sense."

Chad simply grunted in the affirmative. They heard the shoji doors slide open and watched as the Kurosaki twins entered.

"Hello!" Yuzu offered a chipper greeting.

Jinta looked over at the girl dressed in a blue ballgown with glass slippers, her hair swept up with a black ribbon. His jaw nearly dropped to the floor as he tried to stutter out a compliment for the gentle Kurosaki girl. "Y-y-ou look nice."

"Oh, thank you, Jinta-kun," she clapped her hands together. She observed his loose jeans and sleeveless t-shirt. "And you look so handsome..." The boy started to beam "...just like Renji."

The boy's face fell as Karin and the three teenagers started to chuckle. "I don't look anything like that moocher!" he retorted. Yuzu just giggled.

"Yuzu-chan is correct," a new voice added. Though she carried two large watermelons in her arms, Orihime noticed the two shoten employees as soon as she entered. As she struggled to the table with the melons, she continued, "It is so sweet that you and Ururu dressed up as Renji and Rukia. It is adorabubbly." Jinta groaned at the orange-haired girl's assessment of the situation.

"Let me help you with those, Inoue," Uryu offered.

"Thank you, Ishida-kun."

Rukia finally appeared and watched Uryu and Orihime carrying the watermelons to be placed with the other treats. She approached Karin. "You were right, Karin. If I had decided to come as Inoue, I would have needed to bring watermelons."

Tatsuki's eyes snapped to Karin, who sheepishly tried to look away. However, when her gaze caught view of Rukia, her eyes widened. Tatsuki followed Karin's line of sight, and the view of Rukia emitted the same reaction from the fighter. Slowly, everyone turned to Rukia and stared at her in silence.

Until a single high tone pierced through the eerily still air. "Oh Rukia, you look so Kawaii!" Orihime rushed over to hug the petite girl. Rukia was gasping for air by the time Orihime released her.

"Rukia-nee, look at these fun games," Yuzu called from where she stood near Ururu and Jinta.

Rukia excused herself from her classmates, and Orihime hung up her coat. Karin used the opportunity to quickly take out her mobile phone and start texting.

**To: Ichi-nii  
Get your lazy ass here. **

Moments later, Karin felt her phone vibrate.

**From: Ichi-nii  
I already told you, I'm not going.  
**

She let out a frustrated sigh.

**To: Ichi-nii  
All your loser friends are here.**

She felt another buzz.

**From: Ichi-nii  
So?**

A smirk crossed her face. She knew _this _message would do the trick.

**To: Ichi-nii  
Dad and Urahara picked out Rukia's costume.**

Her phone remained still. Satisfied, she tucked it away and returned to the newest commotion in the room. Thankfully, Orihime's costume provided a much needed distraction for the group.

Tatsuki looked at her best friend quizzically, "Uh, Orihime, who are you supposed to be?"

"Florence Nightingale!" Orihime happily replied.

"Inoue, I don't think that is what-" Uryu was cut off.

"Fukutaicho Matsumoto helped me pick it out!"

* * *

_Hiding her reiatsu, Rangiku followed behind the member of the 13th Division out of the Senkaimon. Renji had told his drinking buddy all about this Halloween party and Rukia's intended costume. She had to work fast to help her favorite Rikka-wielder find the perfect outfit. But first she had a bone to pick. Upon acquiring her Gigai, she approached the shady shop owner._

_"Urahara! How could you throw a party but not invite meeeeee?"  
_

_"Rangiku, what a pleasant surprise! But this party is only for the children," Kisuke laughed from behind his fan.  
_

_The Fukutaicho looked suspiciously at Urahara. "Then why is Rukia attending?"  
_

_The strawberry-blonde was sharper than Urahara wished. With his green and white bucket hat shielding his eyes, he replied, "We couldn't ruin sweet Yuzu's Halloween, could we?"  
_

_Rangiku paused. Nobody wanted to see Yuzu upset. "But I want to come to the party, too," she pouted.  
_

_"Ah, but there will be no sake at this party."  
_

_"No sake?" Rangiku gasped. "How can you even call it a party?"  
_

_"Maybe you can have a Shinigami Women's Association fundraiser and throw a Halloween bash," he slyly suggested. Watching Rangiku ponder his idea, Kisuke snapped his fan shut and held up a large bag. "The Urahara Shoten will even donate candy for the party. Surely, the sweet-toothed president would approve."  
_

_Visions of a sake-filled party overtaking the Kuchiki mansion danced in her head. "Hai! But first, I think a little shopping trip is in order. Orihime will need a costume for your party, no?"  
_

_Kisuke hid behind his fan again, "Of course, I'm sure she'd appreciate your assistance."  
_

_"I will be back soon for the candy. Will you have the Senkaimon prepared for my return?"  
_

_"Of course, Rangiku-chan."  
_

_As he watched the Fukutaicho run off, Kisuke pulled out his phone and dialed a number. "Isshin, my friend, we may have a problem . . ."_

_X  
_

_When Rangiku located Orihime, the girl was already at the mall searching for her costume.  
_

_"Orihime!" Rangiku excitedly called.  
_

_Orihime began waving her arms wildly. "Matsumoto-chan! I haven't seen you in so long!" The buxom beauties ran toward each other entering a warm embrace. It was one of the few hugs the two could give without smothering the recipient of the affection. "Did Taicho Hitsugaya send you? Is anything wrong?"  
_

_"Err, no Taicho doesn't know I'm here," Rangiku responded evasively.  
_

_"Then what are you doing in the World of the Living?"  
_

_"I heard you needed costumes for Urahara's party, so I came to help you shop!"  
_

_Orihime clapped her hands. "Then you can help me decide! What do you think of this?" Orihime held up a long dark dress with a high lace collar and a full white apron.  
_

_Rangiku scrunched up her nose in distaste for the drab, austere ensemble. "That's . . . umm . . . very modest. Who are you dressing as?"  
_

_"Florence Nightingale. She was a great healer like Taicho Unohana, and she founded modern nursing," Orihime asserted with much admiration for the two women.  
_

_"Hmm . . . so she was a nurse?" Rangiku started pushing through the racks of costumes until she came across the perfect costume. Pulling out a revealing, short, white 1980s vintage nurse uniform with matching nurse cap, Rangiku flashed a smile of success. "Here!"  
_

_"Do you think this is what Florence Nightingale wore?" Orihime tilted her head.  
_

_"I'm sure she had her sexy moments," Rangiku offered with a shrug. She looked at the girl begin processing the idea, a grin spreading across her face. "Besides don't you have anyone you want to impress?"  
_

_Orihime blushed as the image of a certain young male crossed her mind. "I guess you're right!"  
_

* * *

"Ahhh," Uryu, Tatsuki, and Chad responded in unison. No further explanation was needed.

"Next time, I'd be happy to sew you a costume, Inoue," Uryu offered.

"That is so nice of you, Ishida-kun! Thank you!" Orihime gushed, causing Uryu to blush. Tatsuki rolled her eyes at the beauty and the brain, and Orihime's attention turned to Chad. "And who are you?" Orihime kindly asked.

"Pancho Villa."

"I get it! It's because you're wearing a poncho!" Orihime exclaimed. "What a great idea!"

The gentle giant did not want to burst Orihime's bubble. "Uh, something like that."

"Okay Archer, I challenge you to a game." Tatsuki held up her spear in the direction of the wall of the balloon pumpkins.

Uryu pushed up his glasses and gave a low bow, "Any time, your Majesty."

Balloons loudly popped as the two started showing off their skills. It was an even match, and all the balloons were nearly burst when they heard a voice behind them. "Yo."

The Karakura students turned around. "It's about time you got here," Karin stated with some annoyance.

Uryu looked the newest guest over and shook his head.

"Geez, Ichigo, you couldn't have even dressed up?" Tatsuki complained. The Substitute was still wearing his belted jeans, dark v-neck sweater, Converse, and a black jacket.

"What? And wear tights like the Quincy there? No thanks," Ichigo responded dully while taking note of Tatsuki's attire. "Nice dress."

Uryu and Tatsuki bristled at Ichigo's mocking. Ichigo failed to notice as he turned his attention to scan the room. However, he could not see the what he was searching for.

"I think you both look very authentic," Orihime meekly defended.

Suddenly, a large blur of energy burst through the shoji doors, and Ichigo landed with a thump on the floor.

"Too slow, Son!"

"Dammit, Old Man!" Ichigo picked himself off the ground while Uryu and Tatsuki snickered in satisfaction of karma equaling things out.

"It's okay, you needn't have been embarrassed that you wanted to dress up like your handsome father," Isshin grinned.

"Shut up, goat face!"

Karin snickered and waved her hand toward a corner of the room. "Maybe it's a good thing you didn't try to dress up as your hero, Ichi-nii." Ichigo looked at Karin from the corner of his eyes then followed to where her hand directed. He did a double take before he realized it was only Ururu. "There would have been duplicate costumes," she discreetly added.

While Karin's mutterings did not reach the ears of his friends, to his chagrin, two others heard the words. Ichigo felt the heat creeping up his neck as the two former Soul Reapers standing in the doorway started sniggering. Before he could offer a retort, Yuzu called to him.

"Oni-nii! You came!"

"Yeah," Ichigo sighed and rubbed the back of his neck before approaching his sister.

However, he stopped dead in his tracks at the sight in front of him. Black ballerina flats covering tiny feet. Black fishnet tights wrapping themselves snuggly around thin, long, ivory legs that seemed to stretch forever. The delicate legs ending only where they met high cut black pleather accentuating two perfectly round and firm cheeks that were raised skyward. As the curvy hips moved, a sleek black tail swished leisurely and beckoned the amber eyes to follow. When the remainder of the petite body rose from its bent position and turned towards him, his breath caught tightly.

Water dripped from the pleather hood playing host to two furry cat ears down past her bright indigo eyes alive with victory to trail down the valley between her modest peaks. A touch of black lace showcasing itself where the zipper of the pleather leotard was pulled down. Her mouth was open wide to grasp the apple strongly between her teeth. Its juices mixed with the water and trickled down her chin. Involuntarily, Ichigo licked his lips. Now something else was catching tightly.

Removing the apple, Rukia proudly exclaimed, "I got one!"

Finally able to speak, Ichigo shouted at the bobbing for apples victor, "RUKIA! WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?"

Rukia felt her winning high instantly pop like one of the pumpkin balloons pierced by Uryu's arrow. "It's a cat costume, baka!"

"I know it's a-" Ichigo growled. "I thought you were dressing at Yoruichi?"

An annoyed Rukia looked at Ichigo as if he was the stupidest man on earth, because at this moment, he was. She tapped her foot impatiently as the dim light bulb of his brain finally clicked on in full. Ichigo blushed madly and removed his jacket to cover the petite Soul Reaper.

"What are you doing, Ichigo?" a now furious Rukia asked.

"We are going home. Now."

As she went to retort, Ichigo covered her mouth, held her in front of him, and began to push her out of the room. He was met by a wall of his friends.

"Where are you going, Kurosaki-kun? You just arrived," Orihime innocently inquired with disappointment lacing her voice.

"Uh, Rukia's not feeling well. I'm going to take her home."

Rukia's anger was building, and she glared daggers at the orange-haired teen holding her.

Uryu, not one to miss an opportunity to take a dig against the Substitute, observed with a raised eyebrow, "She does look very red, almost like she's going to burst any minute."

"Oh no! I hope you don't have a fever, Kuchiki-chan," Orihime panicked.

"Don't worry. If she does, I'm sure my brother will take good care of her. He is a doctor's son, after all." Karin snickered.

While Ichigo had been dealing with his growing problem, the final guest of the evening arrived. She stood alongside her two meddlesome friends to observe the boy trying to contain his nosebleed and maintain some dignity.

"Ah, so this is the infamous costume," the Queen of Flash commented with amusement.

"Hai, Yoruichi. Doesn't she look wonderful?" Isshin was practically glowing.

"If not sure what would have Bya-kun more upset, seeing Rukia dressed in something so revealing or knowing she dressed as a Shihoin as her hero," Yoruichi smirked.

"Now, now, Yourichi, what little Byakuya doesn't know won't hurt him," Urahara smiled from behind his fan. "Besides, I'd be more worried if Soi Fon found out what she was wearing."

Isshin laughed, "If you weren't already dead, you'd be a very dead man."

"Don't you mean, 'we', Isshin?" Kisuke looked out from under the shade of his hat brim.

"Oh no, Soi Fon hates you much more that me."

At this point, Ichigo had reached the door where the three former Soul Society residents were perched. As he tried to shove Rukia out the door, Urahara stopped him with two bags. "Oh, Ichigo-kun, don't forget your goody bag."

Ichigo snatched the bags out of Kisuke's hands and continued to urge Rukia outside. Isshin shared a thumbs up with Kisuke; their plan had been a success. "That's it, Son! Make Daddy proud." And as he watched Ichigo disappear out of the shoten, he loudly added "And make me some grandbabbies!" He turned back to Kisuke and whispered, "You did put the chocolate in there, right?"

Kisuke's lips curved salaciously from behind the fan.

Yoruichi smiled and shook her head at the two. "You never did explain how she ended up in that costume."

"Funny story," Isshin started. "I really should thank Abarai; the fool really set the whole thing into action without even knowing it. When Rukia-chan explained her costume idea, the pineapple remarked she didn't have the 'cantaloupes' to pull it off." He accentuated the melon with air quotes.

Yoruichi raised a discerning eyebrow. "Did he now?" With that, she was gone in a flash step.

Chad was about to slice into one of the watermelons at the food table when he felt a strong gust of wind pass. Seeing that one of the watermelons was missing, he shrugged and cut into the second one instead.

Moments later, Yoruichi was back beside her compatriots who looked at her questioningly.

"Just had to put a little gift on ice for the Fukutaicho's next visit. He'll never know what hit him," her catlike grin viciously widened.

Isshin and Kisuke chuckled, and the three turned their attention to the laughing and smiling children enjoying their Halloween celebration. An evening free of Hallows and worries where they could still be children. Except for Ichigo; Isshin hoped the alone time with Rukia he and his partner-in-crime planned for this evening would finally make him a man.

_**-ND**_


	4. Strawberry Lemonade

**A/N: Hello, this is Neko-chan (xxxKei) on my first actual chapter for _Fruit Looped_. :D Being the naughty one here, you'd guess that my contribution would be LEMONS! (*snicker*)**

**Hope everyone is enjoying our fruit salad, and I suggest you give a try at NieveDrop's ****_Miss Seireitei_****.**

**Ch. Rating:** M, for language & lemons (_it's a Neko-chan solo one shot...what did you expect? ~ND_)

* * *

_Strawberry Lemonade_

Now, let me talk to you about my Midget.

My Midget is my best friend in the world (have I made that point to her yet?). It's always been me and my Midget. Don't get sidetracked by the nickname. She's 4' 9" of pure Kuchiki bossiness. Basically, she's always been a pain in the ass. Hmmm, I'm probably a masochist.

Anyway, so this Midget is a very special Midget to me. Don't get me wrong, I'd never looked at her like…_ that_. Okay, so I've always thought she smells nice and her hair is silky and she has eyes that unnerve me to the very core. But I'm sure other people feel that way about her (if you know any of them, I WANT NAMES!).

And I also never had a girlfriend.

That's the thing. It's me and Midget. Sometimes our school friends tag along, but it's basically us. We go together. To be honest, I'd never really thought of her as a 'girl'. Sure she's crazy about Chappy, and maybe I do stare at her legs a little bit longer than normal when she wears skirts. But I'd always had the subconscious notion of girl being like… Inoue, I guess. Sugary, with a cute as hell voice, bubbly, blushing, and in need of rescue. Yeah, Midget is more of a man than most guys I know. In a good way. And we have more things in common than with anyone else. We go out together, watch movies together (I boycott Chappy!), play video games together… We've always been a package, you know? Sure we bicker and press on each others' buttons, but that's how we function. And nothing was supposed to get in the way.

Remember how I said I'd never looked at her like…_ that_?

That's the thing. I can't stop thinking about defiling my Midget. If she finds out, look for me in the nearest dumpster; I will probably be neutered and have stupid sakura petals on my ass.

And it all started with a stupid fruit: Lemons.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Come on, Ichigo!" Rukia gave me a pout.

"Cut it off, Midget!" I grabbed the small Chappy plushie off my desk (courtesy of Rukia) and threw it at her.

Summertime was bearing on our mood, in a bad way. Our friends were off on vacation, and being the 'protectors' of Karakura, the shinigami and I were forced to stay back. Even Ishida was gone! The heat was killing us and the only good thing was that Goat Face would soon take the girls on a short trip, leaving Rukia and me alone in the house (we'd see that we'd convince Yuzu to take Kon with her).

So now I looked at my bossy midget standing at my door with her arms crossed irritably.

"I can't take this heat! Get me some ice cream!" she ordered. Sheesh, Byakuya must have given her an army of servants back in Soul Society!

"Go get it yourself, Midget!"

"I don't have any money!" she stated angrily.

"Well, if you hadn't spent it all on that Chappy Megastore, you would!"

She blushed furiously. "I did NOT overspend on that store!"

"Oh yeah? Don't tell me you needed the Chappy toothbrush and pens and panties!" I yelled back.

"What! How do you know about the panties?" Rukia was turning redder, either from of anger or embarrassment.

And I was slowly catching up, judging by the faint burn on my cheeks. "I got the receipt because I paid with MY credit card, maybe?" I looked away, annoyed. "Besides, can't Byakuya buy you the ice cream factory or something?"

Rukia scoffed and flexed her fists. "I don't want to ask nii-sama for more money."

"Oh, it's okay to drain me of all my last pocket money but not your ridiculously rich brother?" I scowled.

"Yes," she smirked and walked out with a light rocking of her hips.

I gulped as I watched her walk away. The flipping in the pit of my stomach was short lived.

"OH, CHILDREEEEEEN!"

It was just so easy for the corners of my mouth to drag down at the sound of the Old Goat's voice. Light though they were, I could already hear Rukia's steps in the staircase. Normally I'd stay away, but I guessed my family was leaving, and I might as well say goodbye to my little sisters. I walked downstairs, basically dragging my feet.

"Aaaah, Isshin-sama!"

I found my father currently using Rukia as a hug plushie. I grunted unwillingly, earning a wink from my dad. Okay, was it so bad I hated it when people got too friendly with my Midget?

My sister's arms around my waist cast away the sudden urge to lunge at my father.

"Ichi-nii!" Yuzu smiled up at me. I guess it's the fact that she reminds me of our mom that gets to me. "We'll miss you and Rukia-nee!"

My scowl lightened immediately, and I slowly pet her head. My eyes looked up in search of my other sister, who was currently rolling her eyes at my father's over-dramatic expression of love towards my (yes, MY) Midget.

"Have fun you two and watch the Old Man, okay?" My softened look turned more sarcastic when I met Karin's eyes.

'Hehe, no Goat Face for me for a week!'

'I hate you,' was Karin's silent answer before she walked out the door, scowling.

"Well, I'd better get going! I have to keep our snacks cold!" chirped Yuzu and approached Rukia, still in my father's arms.

"OH MY DAUGHTER! I AM SO GOING TO MISS YOU, YET I KNOW THERE'S ALWAYS A PRICE TO PAY FOR GRANDBABIES!"

What the fuck was Old Man talking about?

"Otou-san, I want to hug Rukia-nee goodbye!" frowned Yuzu, and my father let go of her before she turned blue.

What the hell was he doing, trying to break my Midget? I was about to yell when his open palm clashed with my face, and he dragged me to him violently. Shit! I couldn't breathe!

"Now listen here, boy! You are going to be alone with Rukia-chan for an entire week! ALONE! No interruptions! A whole house with many rooms and many beds! Very, very alone! In the heat! And did I mention the air-conditioner is broken?"

What the fuck was he mumbling?

"Let go of me you crazy bastard!" I finally managed to give my father a kick and pin him down on the floor.

Rukia just blinked at us, and I rolled my eyes. Yuzu must have already left.

"Are you okay, Isshin-sama?"

The Midget had a point; my dad was more excited and hyper than usual.

"Mphffff…"

Oh yeah, I was stepping on his face.

Goat Face was left with a perfect imprint of my slipper. "Oh, my children! I'm just a proud parent!" he cried, and I could feel myself twitching again. He danced all the way to the door and yanked it open, before turning to us one last time. "Have nice lemooooons!" he sang and closed the door behind him.

Wait… WHAT! LEMONS ! ? M-M-Midget and I? Was he crazy? Why was my face burning? Had Rukia heard that? Was Byakuya going to kill me? Could I chase my father down and-

"Oi, Strawberry!"

I blinked when I found her small hand waving before my eyes. Huh? Rukia wasn't mad?

"What's the matter with you?" she frowned and crossed her arms at me.

I just kept blinking like an idiot. Okay, she probably had no idea what my dad was insinuating.

"Whatever," she finally rolled her eyes. "I'm going to heat up the food Yuzu left for us."

"Yeah… " I mumbled. On a second thought, "And don't call me Strawberry!" Dammit.

I marched back up to my bedroom. Hmmm, why were my jeans getting kinda tight all of a sudden... ? SHIT! My cock was semi-hard! Whoa, how long had it been that way? WHY? DID ANYONE SEE IT? I grunted aloud. It was all Stupid Goat's fault! I shook my head. How ridiculous! Lemons! Listen to that idiot! I should just relax, and it'll go away. Yes. I should change for dinner, too. Damn, was it hot.

I yanked my closet door open and looked around. Of course the Midget had made sure to keep her stupid made-up bed in there. My ears had been trained to catch her noises whenever she slipped in my bedroom in the middle of the night. Not that I ever stayed awake, waiting for her to snoop in. It's just easier to sleep when she's close by, geez!

Okay, let's see… I pulled off my shirt and looked around for another one. I grunted. Great, I'd mixed all of our clothes together! I started to pull the mess apart, looking for an A-shirt or something. Hmmm… wait, what was that? Pink lace? What's it doing in my…? I pulled the thing out of the bundle...

... and turned as pink as the lace itself. Panties. And they could only belong to one very certain Midget. I gulped. I should put them down. Put them down. PUT THEM DOWN, YOU IDIOT!

Why couldn't I stop staring at them? They were just underwear! Little people underwear to be exact! Well… actually, Rukia must have something back there to fill it… Yes, she has a cute little-

WOAH! DUDE! STOP NOW! That's your flat little Midget we're talking about! She doesn't have curves or… anything!

I threw the piece of underwear back in the pile annoyed. I was just going to get a shirt, and that was it.

* * *

"Baka! Food's ready!"

I slumped down the stairs with a scowl on at Rukia's unceremonious call. It did smell good though; Yuzu was one hell of a cook. But damn, why was it so hot? Goat Face was right about the A/C!

I turned the corner to go into the kitchen and found my Midget stretching on her toes to get a dish from the cupboard.

Wait, why was her ass staring at me? She was wearing really short shorts and a simple pink t-shirt. I swear her butt cheeks were making eye contact! I couldn't help but wonder which panties she was wearing this time. The ones with Chappy on the back eating a carrot? The pink ones with the purple heart? The red lacy ones? What about the blue gingham ones? I swear I was just looking for my shirt. It's not like I went digging in Rukia's underwear drawer like a perv.

"Oi! What's the matter with you, Berryhead?" she turned over her shoulder and cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Huh?" my head snapped up immediately. "Nothing," I grunted.

She stared at me, perplexed, a little too long, and I could feel myself growing hotter; please tell me she didn't know!

"Dammit Ichigo! Are you going to help me get the dishes or what? Who put them that high?"

I blinked. "Huh?" But quickly I brought the scowl back on and made my way to her. Shit, who had put the dishes so high up? "I don't think I can reach them... okay, I'll give you a lift." For my less-than-willing-to-move body, my hands sure were fast to get to her waist. Wait, why were they trying to slip lower? STAY THERE!

I gave my Midget (who was currently giving me the 'you are one crazy Baka' look) a squeeze and lifted her body so that... her... firm... round... little... ass... was pressing against my chest. Okay, so mystery solved, my Midget did have some small and hard junk in the trunk. Boo. Not a big deal. Why was her ass still staring at me?

"Baka! Are you going to put me down or what?" Rukia looked down at me with two dishes in her hands.

"I just thought that for a little person it would take you more time to reach them!" I retorted quickly and set her down.

"I would kick you, but I don't want to damage any more brain cells!" she narrowed her eyes at me and marched to the already made up table.

"Very funny." I pulled a chair and slumped down on it. Yuzu had left us rice and teriyaki chicken. Yummeh... if only I had an appetite. Why was my mouth so dry?

Rukia scowled and broke her chopsticks, serving herself in her bowl. I decided to imitate her, when I noticed I didn't have any.

"Yo, Midget! Why didn't you get me chopsticks?"

The petite girl scowled at me, but nonetheless popped some rice into her mouth. "Are you going to get me my ice cream?"

"No," I glared at her.

"Then go get them yourself," she turned her chin up and kept on with her meal indignantly.

"Damn Midget..." I whispered under my breath and went on to retrieve the necessary utensils.

Halfway into our silent meal, I started to think that maybe the Midget from Hell was right. Hot food on a hot day was NOT helping. Some ice cream would be nice to cool us. Except, I would NOT give her the satisfaction.

I chewed slowly and found my eyes on the girl sitting next to me, because frankly, I was bored out of my fucking mind. How could my dad want me to... do it with Rukia! That was ridiculous! Rukia's like my man! And my very annoying Midget. She wasn't a girl! Sure she looked kind of cute today with her hair up. And she had this cute tint of pink on her cheeks from the heat. And her pink lips would pucker nicely when she chewed. Hmmm... her neck did look pretty smooth, too. Okay, I should seriously stop that! That Midget is annoying and demanding and she kicks like a deranged bunny and she has no breasts. Hence, she's not a girl. Yes. Stick by that logic!

"Ichigo?" she turned to me suddenly, with curiosity in her eyes. Her very... hypnotizing... pretty... eyes...

I shook my head immediately. Okay, I should really snap out of it. I'll just stop thinking about what my dad said and erase it. Dismiss thought, dismiss thought! I stuffed my mouth to distract himself.

"What?" I murmured and chewed lazily, which seemed to annoy the Midget by the way her face scrunched up.

"What did your father mean by us having nice 'lemons'?"

OH. SHIT. Blood to head, blood to head! OH SHIT! Rice in throat, rice in throat! BREATHE DUDE, BREATHE! I was choking!

"Ichigo!"

The good thing about having your own insanely strong-for-her-size Midget, is that she can wrap her arms around you from behind and give you such a hard squeeze that the rice flies back into your bowl.

I finally took a relieving breath.

"Are you okay?" Since she stood behind me, her concerned voice fanned the back of my neck.

I felt the fine hair stand on end, and a shudder ran down my spine... to my loins. I gulped. Why were her arms still around me? It made my skin burn!

"Ichigo?"

Her oblivious voice was in my ear, and I could feel her body pressing on my back (how else would such a tiny person be able to wrap her arms around me?). I felt something... curvy... poke my back. To be exact, two... curvy... pert... mounts... I looked down horrified. No no no no! It was a good thing Rukia was too short to see my front, because I was currently spreading a fucking circus tent!

Stay. Away. From Midget. NOW.

I quickly disengaged myself from her hold and dragged my chair so that I ended up sitting with my midsection hidden under the table.

I quickly crossed my arms and looked away with a scowl. "Yeah, ah, thanks, Midget." I eyed her from the corner of my eye for a fraction of a second before I averted my stare.

"Something's wrong with you... other than your hair," she murmured sarcastically, and I heard her sit back down again.

No kidding. Something WAS wrong with me, because now I couldn't stop thinking about... _touching _her. Maybe Urahara had a cure for it or something? Okay, I had to relax if I wanted my cock to go down. Shit, had I ever been this hard before? I tried to keep my mind off the topic which had arisen. I wanted to eat, but found my spewed rice in my bowl. Yuck. HA! Yes, my cock was relaxing! HA! As long as I didn't look at the Midget and she kept her hands off of me, I should be able to stand soon! Think about yucky rice goo, and the boner shall go away!

And it was going well until... OH FUCK. Her palm touched my forehead. Shit, how can I get so turned on by that? Fucking lemon talk screwed up my mentality!

"Ichigo, I think you have a fever!"

I turned and, to my horny horror, found Rukia's face an inch from mine. Shit. My cock was pointing at her! Dry mouth case again!

"Your face is red, and it's burning!" she mused.

Yes. I probably really was sick. Because right then, I had sick thoughts... that included... biting... kissing... and licking...

"God, Ichigo! Your temperature is rising fast!"

My Midget was so cute when concerned about me. But at the time, I only wanted to duck under the couch.

She got up and walked quickly to the refrigerator, then retrieved an ice pack. YES! ICE PACK! I need an ice pack! And then she had to fuck it up by crashing the frozen thing on my face. Stupid Midget. I need to freeze my 'other' head.

"Hold this to your forehead, I need to go get a thermometer!" she ordered, and I nodded. Once she got out of the kitchen, I quickly smashed the pack on my groin and cried like a little girl.

I sure hope my cock will be functional after this, or else there was no way I could-

WHOA! Was I seriously thinking about doing the dirty with my Midget? No, dude! That... that was Midgetphilia! That was wrong in so many ways... including proportion!

"Ichigo!" she ran over to me, and I quickly took the ice pack off my frozen balls. Well, at least the boner problem was fixed. "Open your mouth!"

Huh? Open my mouth? Was she going to kiss me? WERE THERE ONIONS OR GARLIC IN OUR FOOD?

"Ichigo, you baka!" she scolded me. "Open your mouth so I can put in the thermometer!"

Oh yeah. I scowled. Bakabakabakabaka! Damn lemons. I opened my mouth grudgingly, and she leaned in to place the thing gently between my lips. Shit. Midget, don't come this close dammit! Mmmm, her lips look pretty. And her breath still smells faintly of yummy teriyaki sauce. Which in my hungry case seems very very delicious right now.

She seemed kind of worried. "Ichigo, you idiot, you must have a really bad fever," she sighed and ran her fingers through my hair.

Wait, why am I closing my eyes? Are the girl noises mine? Shit! I opened my eyes in shock to find a very perplexed Rukia. Please don't let her hit me!

She blinked and seemed honestly concerned about me. What a good bitchy Midget I have. "Ichigo, you don't look good."

Does she find me ugly now?

"Maybe I should call Urahara," she murmured.

I shook my head quickly. "Naw, I be fin'!" I must have sounded ridiculous talking against the thermometer. Yet, in the last two hours, I did sound ridiculous, even in my own head.

Rukia slowly took off the thermometer and her fingers brushed against my lips. Where's that ice pack?

The midget seemed to frown down at the indication. "You have a slight fever, Ichigo."

No, I don't. It's just the embarrassment of my pervy thoughts about my Midget, Midget!

"I... I just need to get to bed. I'll be okay tomorrow."

Rukia looked at me for a few moments, and I could feel my stomach doing funny flips under her stare. "Okay... looks like you need it," she finally concluded.

I left out a sigh of relief. Good. I needed a really cold shower ASAP. "Well, umm, wake me up if there's a hollow alert. You're gonna get in trouble if you decide to go out on your own," I said seriously. Which I rarely do, but I like my Midget in one piece. Naked. WAIT, WHAT? N-n-n-not naked!

She must have missed my inner mortification fit, by the way she rolled her eyes. "Oh, what are you going to do, punish me?" she mocked.

"Yes. I will punish you." I glared at her, thinking of ways I could make the she-devil pay for putting her life at risk, like hiding her cucumbers, or tying her... or... biting her... or smacking her pert... little... ass...

SHIT! I looked over to make sure Rukia hadn't seen my more than obvious bulge and dashed up the stairs quickly. At least my cock was still functioning! I wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing, though.

* * *

CAN'T. SLEEP.

First, it's too damn hot.

Second, the Midget's not tucked in yet.

Okay, if you are wondering what happened, I jerked off in the bathroom. Why am I blushing like crazy? So... kind of... whenever I'd close my eyes, I'd see Rukia... so I had the creepiest jerk-off session I've ever had, with my eyes wide open and staring at the tiles. It only took a minute, really.

Which brings me to the point of my slight panic. Am I premature? I gulped. I'm a teenager, of course I've jerked off in the shower on many occasions in the morning, but now that I think about it, it never caused me to be late. Which brings me back to, AM I PREMATURE?

So, as you can tell, I'm a virgin. Duh.

Virgin + No Girlfriend would make you think = Gay.

Well, no. Two years ago, I was more prudish and hormonal. I did like... girls, not really anyone in particular, but my father had made sure to supply me with dirty magazines.

And then two incidents ruined my sex life.

One, when Goat Face wanted to teach me about female anatomy. Oh, he did. By a National Geographic documentary on pregnancy and childbirth.

Two, when Yoruichi turned naked in front of me, and I almost drowned.

When big breasts feed babies and almost cause you to lose your life, you really don't look back. Seriously, I was kind of scared of going close to Inoue for a while.

I bet it's easier to handle small... pert... no no no, the Midget! Was! Breastless!

Yes. I mean, I didn't find any bras in her clothes anyway! NOT that I started digging!

The door suddenly opened slowly and I covered my face under the sheet in shame. Wait, the Midget DOESN'T read thoughts, right? And I did clean up after my mess in the bathroom! And I even forced myself to jerk off again, just to make sure I ran out of boners!

"Ichigo?" she whispered. Mmm, she really could be a thoughtful Midget at times.

"Hmmm?" I peeked my eyes under the sheet.

"Are you feeling better, Baka?" she asked and came to sit on the side of my bed with a frown.

"Yes," I murmured. Damn, she'd changed into a tight tank top and... "Are these my boxers?" I grunted, annoyed. And turned on. No, annoyed.

"I just needed some loose shorts," she explained quickly. Hmmm... it was riding kind of low on her waist. I think I could see her bellybutton. Yum. "Anyway, so I'm going to sleep in the closet in case you want me to take your temperature later," she mumbled, got up, then slid inside my closet.

"Yeah, like you don't sleep in there every night anyway," I retorted sarcastically, but it made me feel happy I hadn't freaked her out enough to make her stay away.

"Goodnight, stupid Strawberry."

"Goodnight, annoying Midget."

* * *

"Ichigo..."

Huh? I opened an eye in the dark and looked at Rukia's slender form from the open door. The room was dark, but light produced from the hallway. How did she get there?

"Hollow...?" I replied automatically.

I saw her shake her head, and I stretched my arm to turn on my desk light.

My eyes went wide. Rukia was blushing and looked... very... seductive... yummy... Was I hallucinating? She smiled with reserve and stalked towards the bed, then hooked her thumbs around the band of my boxers (the ones she was wearing) and pulled them down a little to expose more of her hard waist.

"M-Midget?" I gulped and felt heat shoot straight for my cock. Hopefully my eyes wouldn't pop out and get stuck on her.

"Ichigo..."

OH GOD. Hard on. Major one. Oh shit, oh shit! Oh God, she's pulling the boxers farther down!

"R-Rukia..." Fuck. I don't think I'd ever wanted to touch anything so bad in my life!

"Ichigo..." she purred again.

"Ichigo..."

"Ichigo..."

"ICHIGO!"

AWWWWWWW! I violently woke up after a midgety punch was delivered on my forehead.

"WHAT THE-?" I grunted angrily, only to be faced with the annoyed face of my... dressed Midget. Shit. Oh God, tell me my blush wasn't visible in the dark! "W-w-what a-a-are y-you doing in my bed, M-midget?" Shit again! If she knew, I was dead meat! And if she didn't know, she would be able to tell by the bulge in my pants.

I shut my eyes in expectation of a harsh blow or a bass 'Scatter, Senbonzakura'. Instead, the Midget's face relaxed and she got on top of me, on all fours. I gulped.

She smiled slightly in the faint moonlight. Mmmm, pretty.

"Stupid Strawberry," she muttered and kissed my forehead. She probably thought I was really sick again. Mmmm, I should pull this more often. "I had a dream..."

Me too. But you DON'T want to know about my dream.

"... and it finally came to me. What Isshin-sama meant by us having nice lemons," she beamed.

OH. MY. GOD. I eyes bulged so hard that I thought I might lose them. Wait... she wasn't mad? She wasn't screaming? No angry pink petals around or sharp ice shards?

My cock stood rock hard at that moment. Screw the things I said earlier. I. WANT. MIDGET.

She looked at me a little perplexed. Did I seem that desperate? So... where should I start? I wanted to touch her soooo bad! But it still seemed so unreal that she'd want to fuck me that I barely moved.

"Rukia... you want to... do it with me?" I gulped and braced myself for an attack.

She smiled and nodded. Oh God, I wanted to start howling! My heart was beating at an incredible speed and my whole body flushed lustfully.

"Yes, Ichigo! It's so obvious! We're alone, we don't have money to go out, and the heat is excruciating!" she chirped.

Yes. Be my popsicle.

"What better way to solve this than by making a Lemonade Stand!"

.

.

.

You know how a 'What the Fuck!' face looks? Take my picture.

HOLY. COCKBLOCK. &*^ # *(!* !

...

"Ichigo...?"

Blink once. Blink twice. Now inhale. Now exhale.

NOW SAY SOMETHING MOTHERFUCKER, BEFORE SHE NOTICES YOU ARE ONE PERVERTED ASSHOLE.

"Ichigo!"

SAY SOMETHING! ANYTHING! DUDE, YOU HAVE A HUGE BONER, AND YOU'RE PULP IF SHE FINDS OUT!

"Ichigo!"

SAY ANYTHING! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY, NOTHING CAN MAKE THINGS WORSE!

"I was hoping to get some lemonade out of you..."

I WAS WRONG. YOU JUST MADE IT WORSE.

Am I the world's most idiotic, possibly premature, midgetphiliac bastard? My eyes were the size of saucers from the shock.

"What?" Rukia looked at me quizzically.

"I wanted to taste the juices..."

MOTHERFUCKER, I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR MOUTH, BUT SHUT UP RIGHT NOW!

Rukia looked at me as if I was crazy for a few moments, and I must be looking pretty insane and pathetic.

"... O... kay..." she mumbled, perplexed, and hopped off my bed, probably thinking I had lost it.

I took a much needed breath when the closet door closed behind her and facepalmed myself hard enough to cause me a nosebleed. I would get one either from that or Rukia anyway.

Okay. Okay. One, Rukia was NOT going to fuck me. Two, I had a major hard-on, and I was going to get a blue balls case if I didn't fix it soon. Three... for the life of me, I DID want to fuck my Midget. I suppressed a girly squeal and banged my head back on my pillow (I'd choose the headrest, but that would be loud). There was a weird flipping in my stomach and a strange swell in my chest (if you count out my burning loins, mind you).

Shit man. Why her? She's my man Midget. I looked at the closet door with rather defeated eyes. I couldn't stop thinking about kissing her. Frankly... in the brief shocked moments when I thought we were going for the kill, my brain was working overboard. I kept thinking that was the end of the friendship we had... and I couldn't be happier. I could kiss my Midget, hold her all I wanted... I'd have the right to push away whoever would step in our space... and no one would fucking take her from me. Not Byakuya, not anyone. It wasn't just fucking carnal. I... I wanted to be with her. Inoue had once asked me why I didn't seem interested in having a girlfriend. You know what always came to mind? Why would I want someone taking up my Midget time? I never wanted anyone to come between us. Because I wanted the 'us'. I wanted the bossy shortness, the demanding scowls, the Chappy-loving squeals, even the punches and kicks.

Is this what you'd call a 'girl moment'? Minus the erection. Shit. It's started to hurt.

I slowly got up, careful not to make a sound as I headed for the bathroom, practically sweating my ass off. If Midget decided to peek, she'd be seeing something more than obvious poking through my boxers. And I DON'T want to be circumcised by Shirayuki.

My teeth dug into my lower lip as my fist ran forcefully up and down my engorged shaft, determined on making myself come fast and hard in the shower. At the same time I was turned on and appalled at myself. My mind kept recalling bits and pieces of her. Her legs and black stockings at school. Her bellybutton. The feel of her ass. Her neck. Her hips as she pulled those damn boxers lower and lower. Her standing over me on the bed.

My breath came out ragged, my sweat mingled with the water, and my panic stalled my approaching orgasm (so maybe I'm not premature?). Was I a perverse asshole? What the fuck, I'm in the shower in the middle of the night, masturbating to my very best friend, sleeping two doors down the hall? I'm so pathetic. What if it doesn't go away? I don't even think I want it to go away... I mean... I want... it feels right... to be... I sighed heavily and hit my head against the tiles. In love with Midget.

Yeah, applaud the amazing moment of clarity of Ichigo Kurosaki. I fucking love my Midget. Suck it.

Okay, let's re-think this. I can march in there, grab her, and confess, then chase her all the way to Soul Society if I have to. Or... I can act like a man and curl into a ball, then cry because I'm too much of a pussy to tell her. Then again, I can pull the caveman stunt and say 'Yo, I saved your ass from execution, therefore you belong to me now'. Aha... I have a feeling I wouldn't survive that one.

So I did it the manly way, until I was ready to go back to bed.

* * *

_Dup dup dup dup dup!_

No... No... Don't wake up... Covers good. Bed good.

_Dup dup dup dup dup!_

One eye cracked open sourly. The fuck was that noise! Like a loud mouse running up and down the hall!

_Dup dup dup dup dup!_

Oh yeah. That mouse was called Midget.

I found myself scowling and staying quiet for some time, before I slipped back under the covers like a five year old.

Okay dude. New day. Nothing happened yesterday, and nothing needs to happen today. Cock's soft, and Midget is apparently... busy with something. So, listen up. You get up and jerk off for good measure, just to make sure we don't have any accidents. Get dressed and do NOT look at Midget's clothes again. Go downstairs, have breakfast, ignore Midget, probably get your ass kicked for ignoring Midget, and get on with your day until to are ready to cry yourself to sleep all over again. Yes. Good plan.

Half an hour later...

Shower. Check.

Jerk-off. Check. (Now my thoughts during that are another matter.)

Clean clothes. Check.

No boner. Check.

I made my way down the staircase with my perpetual scowl dead fixed on my face, trying to keep my eyes from searching for the Short Thing.

Dude. Kitchen. NOW.

I marched in said room like a soldier, to find the very Short Thing herself...

FUCK. NO.

My eyes felt as if they were going to pop out any moment.

In the middle of the kitchen stood a very energized Midget... around many, many... LEMONS. No, not just that. She was SQUEEZING lemons.

Karma, you are a fucking #( &$!$* 9!&(!&# bitch!

To add insult to... a major forced abstinence situation, an already squeezed lemon was thrown at my forehead by the Short Devil.

"Oi, Strawberry! It's about time you got up!"

Say something mean. She may kick you in the nuts and then you won't have to run back to the shower like a shitless little girl. "Fuck you, Rukia!"

Wrong choice of words.

The girl momentarily stopped her squeezing activities and glared really hard at me, which made me cringe inwardly.

"You are lucky I decided to follow Isshin-sama's instructions, or you'd be jam right now, Berryhead!"

"Yeah, well-Wait, what the hell...? Old Goat's instructions!?" The horror!

"Yes," she shrugged. "I called him earlier, because you're acting even weirder than usual."

My eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Rukiaaaa... what did you tell him!"

She scowled at me. "Sheesh! I just told him that you are very red and heated and that you spend too much time in the shower!"

HELL NO! "What!"

She just looked at me blankly. You know, those annoying Byakuya moments. "It's true. And not to mention you kept avoiding my stare. So, he told me that it's because of the heat wave! He said I could get it, too, if I don't wear very light clothing. He also said I should try to be nicer to you and that it would help if I jumped into the shower, too!"

Oh God, I could feel my face GLOWING red. I'll soooooooooo kill my dad when they return!

Rukia poked her head in thought. "It sounded weird, but I guess he meant I should take showers more often, too."

No. He meant you should take showers with ME. Which I REALLY want you to do. ... ... ... Do we have more ice packs?

I had to change the conversation fast! "And what the hell are you doing with all these lemons anyway?" It wasn't helping!

"Ah? How else am I going to make a Lemonade Stand without lemonade, Baka?" she raised an eyebrow.

I frowned. "Not only are you occupying MY kitchen, but your stupid running around woke me up! What the hell were you doing?"

Her face lit up immediately. "Oh yeah! You haven't seen it yet!"

Huh? "See what?"

She moved around the table and approached me excitedly.

OH.

GOD.

When I walked into the kitchen, I thought she was just wearing a high riding white tank top. Now that her lower half was visible, I needed to run and hide. These shorts looked more like female slips. I gulped.

Legs. Smooth. Creamy. Endless.

Thin and hard waist.

Bellybutton.

And that... ass...

Oh no.

Wait...

WAS SHE GOING TO SELL LEMONADE IN THAT!?

"What are you wearing!?" I asked accusingly.

The joyful Kuchiki Princess gave way to Short Evil Thing. "What?" she twitched slightly.

"You-you are NOT going outside dressed like this!" I ordered.

"Kurosaki Ichigo!" she poked my chest painfully. "First, I'm dressed like that to avoid this heat illness, and second, YOU WON'T TELL ME WHAT TO WEAR!"

"YES I WILL!"

"NO YOU WON'T!"

"I FORBID YOU!"

The next thing that I heard was my own desperate high-pitched cry when Midget's kick was landed on my groin.

HOLY. FUCK. THAT HURTS!

(at least the boner problem is over)

"Ah, it took me the whole morning, but it was worth it!"

I blinked. Once. Twice. And once more for good measure. I stood next to the Evil Midget in my front yard, holding an ice pack to my abused groin and looking in shock at the grotesque structure that stood a few paces from the door. It might have looked like any other counter made by a midget out of wooden planks... except for the sign that hang over it, on which it was clumsily written in pink:

**!Chappy's Lemonade Stand! Get your freshly squeezed lemonade here!**

"Great, huh?" snickered Rukia proudly.

"Ugh..." I twitched. "I fail to see what's worse, this, or your drawings..."

And thus I ended up in my bedroom, holding the ice pack to my eye.

That, though, did _not_ stop me from glaring at the girl that jumped around in my front yard, as I watched her from my window. She ran back and forth carrying glasses, jugs and... lemons (dammit) from the kitchen to the counter. I was so fucking glad most of the people were gone on holiday. That way almost no one crossed the street and came by my midget.

Ok, I did feel kinda bad for her. But I don't want to have to chase anyone down for looking at my Midget.

Che, she sold like one cup to this toddler. She did seem disappointed at her progress (in between locking eyes with her backside, I looked at her face, mind you), and I thought about maybe going to get her that ice cream. Mmmm, yes, I should. Maybe we should go out later and catch a movie, too. I pondered upon that thought. So... was I going to date the evil little thing? I shook my head. Why was everything so fucking complicated? I couldn't ask my best friend out! What if she said no, and then it was all awkward, and then she left me to return to Soul Society? Dammit, the thought of her not being... there, made me break into a cold sweat. I can never ever ever let the Midget go again.

I sighed and got up (no need to worry since the customers were only five-year-olds), then pulled on an A-shirt and sweatpants to go out. When I descended the stairs, I found my Midget groaning in the kitchen, as she carried a huge bowlful of ice, which fell all over her front as the small girl fought to carry it outside.

I instinctively lunged and take it from her, but she merely tried to kick me away.

"Midget! You can't carry this!" I protested.

"You mind your own business, Berry!" she scowled. "If you won't help me with the Lemonade Stand, get out of the way!"

I grunted, but nevertheless I followed her closely behind to make sure she wouldn't fall and get crushed under the ice.

"Aaaaaand... Ah!" The midget dropped the huge pile of ice on the counter and dropped over it in exhaustion, oblivious to the fact that she was bending her ass towards me. Maybe I should get some ice too...

I coughed to clear my throat. "Anyway, Midget, I'm out." I looked away quickly as she craned her neck to face me, with her front still dipped into the ice. Hadn't she frozen up already? I don't want her to be sick!

"Baka, where are you going?" she asked slowly, with a sad look at the full jugs which she had spent all morning filling.

I sighed and slowly rubbed her head. "Wait for me, Shorty," I murmured, as she slapped my hand away, before I started to jog towards the store, determined to perk up my little grumpy Midget.

I eyed the various family-sized packs in thought. Yes, you'd expect that a petite, slim little thing like her would eat two spoonfuls and be full. HA! Whenever we got separate ice creams she'd end up licking mine too! Which brings a very very very dirty thought to mind, but if I have a boner in public, I'm most likely to get arrested.

Hmmm, let's see now. AHA! Strawberry! Her favorite (-insert smug smile-). I thought about getting a soda, but I reckoned someone had to drink the lemonade she'd made (-dismiss pervy thoughts!-). I walked up to the cashier and lazily looked around the crappy shit on the shelves. Gum, magic pens, stickers, Chappy, batteries... Huh? Wait, Chappy? I blinked.

"Will that be all?" The dude behind the counter eyed be expectantly.

"Umm, do you have more Chappy crap-I mean, stuff, around here?" I scratched my neck in thought.

The guy (who screamed 'Fuck my life!') looked at me perplexed. "You want Chappy...?"

I immediately scowled. "It's not for me." What an idiot!

"For your sister...?" he raised an eyebrow as he lead me to a small Chappy the Rabbit section.

I grunted as I examined the awfully bright colored crap-I mean, stuff. "Nah. It's for my..."

And pause. Long, awkward pause. "My, erm, friend," I mumbled annoyed.

"Oh..." he mused with a smirk and pulled out a small box from the shelf. "How about this?"

I blinked and took the small box with the Valentine version of Chappy on it.

**Chappy stays safe! Now you too can do it likes rabbits!**

I became redder than a fucking neon light! "What the hell! It's not-! It's not like-!" I facepalmed myself.

I quickly shoved the thing away, and in my embarrassment, hastily retrieved a small bracelet from the shelf, then went straight over to the till with a scowl on. In the end, I paid him in morose silence and walked out, with my heart beating faster than normal in my chest.

Rukia would damn like the gift, and it would surely perk her up. Heck, she'd probably apologize and feel guilty for all that she did to me. Ha! I could make her admit that the lemonade stand was a stupid idea, but I would rather be on her good side.

As I neared my street, I could hear quite an uncommon commotion, especially during this time of the year when we were the only residents who hadn't left on vacation.

"Hey, out of my way!"

"I want another one!"

"Me too!"

"This is the best thing ever!"

What the hell? A fucking herd of guys were gathered outside of my house, with a bunch of cars carelessly parked on the street.

"Wait, guys! Okay, I've got two more!" Rukia's rushed voice cut through the crowd, and I realized they all held cups of lemonade... and were gathered around her! WHAT!

"Sweetie, are you gonna be here everyday?"

"Hey, you should come by my house one time..."

"I'd be dead happy to serve you some lemonade, beautiful..."

The temperature my blood had reached could not even compare to the heat outside. I was gone for a few minutes, and guys had flocked to Rukia like horny dogs. Oh, I was going to castrate someone if they didn't get the fuck away. The thought of going bankai on their asses was tempting, yet the badge to get me out of my body was in my room. I marched right through the crowd, shoving away people violently.

Stupid fucking lemonade stand. That was the reason I had a bunch of assholes hanging around my front yard and hitting on my Midget!

After the last body was practically thrown out of my way (I honestly couldn't give a fuck that I hurt them), I was ready to yell at my Midget for causing such a commotion. The words never came through.

Bitches, Whores, Pussy Ass Mother Fuckers!

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!

Remember how I thought the Midget didn't have any bras because she was super flat? Holy shit. It was because she goes out without wearing one. Her hard, erect pink nipples were staring right at me, proudly in their wonderful roundness. My brain was working overboard. The ice. She had leaned on the fucking ice and it had soaked her _white_ shirt, turning it see-through and clinging on to her breasts.

It all happened in a second. I lunged forth, grabbed Rukia's wrist hard enough make her drop the jug she was holding, and dragged her right into the house so violently that she hadn't even had time to yell.

Once I banged the door behind us, I breathed, my hand still holding hers like a vice, and eyes wide and anxious.

She looked up at me incredulously, and it didn't take long for her face to turn menacing. However, I was so furious, I was far from surrendering now.

"Ichigo! What do you think you are doing?"

I tried _not _to look at the enticing sight as I dragged her behind me (against her protests) to the bathroom, where I set her before the mirror.

"Baka sto-" her complaint failed her once she viewed herself and took on a horrified expression, turning beetroot red. I couldn't help my blush myself, though I preserved my angry scowl. She quickly wrapped her arms to cover her chest and tilted her head down shamefully. I made to touch her, but a bang on the door interrupted me.

"Hey, sweetheart! Was he your boyfriend? Are you going to come out?"

Rukia looked towards the door petrified, and I quickly and angrily walked down the hall, pushed the door open, and went outside to kick some horny asses away from my lawn.

Once outside, I stepped forward (whilst the guy who had banged on the door backed away) and I merely stood still with my hands in my pockets and a glare that promised a slow and painful death. Most of them instantly cringed and stepped off as fast as their legs could run. With an angry and very serious growl, the number was minimized to five assholes who apparently grew balls.

Oh, I'd chop them off.

"Hey, why so jealous, because your girlfriend would rather have fun with us?"

Punk ass. A low and dangerous hiss escaped my throat as I stalked towards them. "Don't. You ever. Speak of her like that!"

"Come on, man! If the bitch wants to show her-"

I had already turned his face into a bloody pulp. With a broken jaw, he would surely never speak of anyone like that again.

I was glad the roads were empty, because the fuckers sped down the street like madmen. Most of them were left with a perfect imprint of my slipper on their faces. And I had a feeling not one of them would dare approach our neighborhood for a while. Asses. I'd make sure to go on patrol every night from now on, just to make sure they got the message.

Once in the house again, my concern was to look for Rukia. She was not in the bathroom, so I ran upstairs to look for her. She was not in the first floor bathroom, not the girls' room either. I went straight to my room and knocked on the closet door, to which I received no answer.

"Rukia...?" I asked softly. I slowly rolled the door open to find her curled up inside, in her pj's and her back to me. I sighed and touched her, to feel her awfully cold. I rolled her over, only to find her immobile and lifeless gigai. Dammit.

I quickly grabbed the substitute Shinigami badge from my drawer and pulled myself out of my body, which I placed on the bed. I opened my window, jumped off without a second thought, then proceeded to jump from rooftop to rooftop and concentrate on tracing the familiar reiatsu that seemed like an extension of mine.

Anyone would have missed her small figure hidden away between the structures of the rooftops. But there always seemed to be a magnetic pull that drew me to her instantly. And she knew I would come for her.

"I..." she started, hiding her eyes under her bangs, once I landed a few paces from her. "... I am sorry."

I didn't speak, yet I walked up to her and crouched down to her level.

With a sigh, she kept on, "I'm sorry. I'm really stupid, aren't I? I-"

I clamped my hand gently over her soft lips to hush her. Wet indigo eyes looked up at me in remorse, but I simply smiled down at her and stroked her hair. She shut her eyes and leaned her head against my palm, surrendering her trust to me. Maybe the kicks and insults landed more often, but this was what we were, always. Sometimes, we just didn't need words. I knew she felt embarrassed and ashamed and would not want to see any one of those guys ever again. But I, even if I was a witness of the indecency, was _not _any guy. We were friends, we were family, we were confidants, we were lovers. Let me be your everything, and I'll take the hit for you, I'll always stand by you and take away your pain. We couldn't exist as separates any more.

I pulled her to me and she buried her face in my chest, then circled her arms around me, and I curled over her protectively. Our reiatsu mingled and seemed to form a sphere around us, as if the two energies were just meant to be connected like this. Her head slowly rose from the folds of my gi, and she slowly smiled gratefully. You're welcome, Shorty.

I reached into the pocket of my hakama and took out the small bracelet I had gotten her earlier. She blinked at the dangling thing, but I raised her hand and placed it in her palm. She looked down at it with gleaming eyes and then back at me in question.

"I'd gotten it from the store earlier, when I went to get ice cream." I shrugged, but her eyes sparkled even more with appreciation. I knew she knew I'd done it for her.

She offered me her hand and I gently tied the chain around her wrist, with the smiling rabbit hanging on the side. Once it was applied, she jumped and wrapped her arms around my neck tightly, then pecked a thankful kiss on my cheek. We held each other like that, and I wished I would never let go. She finally sighed in my ear and laughed, "I love you, Baka!"

I felt my blood run in my vessels faster than a bullet. Had I heard right? Was my overjoyed mind playing tricks on me?

Rukia rose with a smile and moved to the edge of the building happily. "Come on, I want that ice cream!" And like a flying bunny, she jumped.

* * *

Love can translate to many things, of many different kinds. You can love someone as a friend, a sibling, a parent, a lover. Love can spring from duty, admiration, gratitude, or a bond. Would I sound like an overly romantic asshole if I admitted to 'all of the above'? She was my best friend, she was the family I chose, she was the lover I wanted to have, and the mother I wanted to make her. It was my duty to protect her, I admired her courage and strength, I was thankful for the life she breathed right into me, and we had a bond that tied around our souls.

I watched her in silence as she jumped around the kitchen, serving two bowlfuls of strawberry ice cream. I loved her so. She lived in a mansion, and if she wanted to, she could have anything within her reach. All the things she was deprived of during the years she had to live like a dog in Rukongai. And I knew Byakuya would provide anything she asked for, because deep down, he did want to see her happy.

Yet she chose a life of struggle: she fought for justice, she sacrificed herself for others, she lost friends and family, and yet, she never complained. She never put her head down and tried to be stronger for everyone else. She never asked for anyone to risk their lives to save her; she freely risked hers. And not the entry in a noble family, nor the riches meant anything to her. All it took was a scoop of ice cream and maybe a cheap bracelet to make her smile.

I approached her from behind and caught her shoulders, then leaned my face against her hair. She held my hands and leaned back against me, then raised her head with a smile.

"Baka, if you don't eat your ice cream, I'm gonna have it!"

I chuckled, and we took our bowls into the living room, then, after she slipped into our bodies, we sat in front of the TV lazily.

"Chappy!" squealed Rukia once we were seated. She changed the channels quickly, but I was fast in stealing the remote from her.

"HEY!" she protested, but I ignored her and turned to the sports channel. Karate Tournament!

But a very pissed off Midget blocked my vision and reached for the remote in my hand. I immediately raised it up over my head and she crawled on me to get it.

"Give it back, Berry!"

Oh fuck. She had basically straddled me to get to my hand. My wide eyes stood fixed on her chest as she fought to pull my arm down, and images from earlier sprang into mind, which had been subdued by my concern. Hard. Pink. Nipples. My breath hitched in my throat, and thank God she was not looking at my blushing face!

"I! Said! Give it!" And with a push, she threw her body forth as she stretched herself to reach my hand, which caused me to get to know Mr. Cleavage very well. My face was squeezed between her breasts, and if she didn't get off in the next second, I was about to have a major accident in my pants!

"AHA!" She grabbed it and turned around instantly, ending up seating with her ass on my crotch and flipping the channels to detect Chappy. I gulped and held still, as if I was sitting on a bomb or something. Damn.

"Chappy!" she squealed and got up, and I finally let go of the breath I was holding. I glared at her and she pulled her tongue out at me, which made me want to stick mine in her mouth, yet I remained silent and looked away with an irritated blush.

Rukia, like a child, sat cross-legged on the sofa and took the ice cream bowl in her hands, then dipped a tablespoon in and raised a huge dollop of ice cream on it.

I grunted. "You can't fit that in your mouth, Midget."

She snickered and said, "You'd be surprised at how much my mouth can fit."

I immediately grabbed the nearest cushion and threw it over my crotch, seemingly nonchalantly. DAMN. Can you freeze your cock with the ice cream?

She opened her mouth wide and took the huge spoonful in, then instantly moaned at the taste. OH GOD. It was as if I was watching slow, tantalizing porn. Gooey ice cream was on her lips, and she closed her eyes in ecstasy, as noises of pleasure produced from her throat.

HOLY. FUCK. I found my hand twitching to touch myself, and dear God, I was already wetting my boxers. I had get out of there...

"Mmmm, I love having strawberry in my mouth!" and she swallowed the cream, then licked her lips meticulously.

OH FUCK. Bitches, Whores, Pussy Ass Mother Fuckers! I was about to cum!

"OH MY GOD!"

SHIIIIIIIT! I shut my eyes in horror! She knew! She knew! She was going to turn ME into strawberry ice cream! What should I say? What should I say? It's not what it looks like? It's not because of you? It's because of the heat sickness?

I took fast, deep breaths. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5...

.

.

.

86, 87, 89...

I gulped. At least the fright for my life made my cock calm down. Ok, _maybe _I should open my eyes. I slowly cracked an eye open cowardly as I braced myself for a swarm of ice shards. Wait-what the...? Rukia was kneeling in front of the TV, ripping a cushion in her hands as she looked at the screen in utter agony.

"Oh my God, oh my God, Chappy don't go there!" she squealed loudly.

What the heck? The outburst was all because of the stupid rabbit? Geez... the stupid thing was slowly walking to a creepy-looking door... I grunted and removed the cushion from my genitalia, then shifted on the couch...

"NO CHAPPY D-"

And the screen turned to black. Rukia turned to me with wide, shocked eyes, and realization hit me like a thunder.

I had sat on the fucking remote.

Fuck. My. Life.

"YOU ARE DEAD, BERRY!"

It would have been a sight to see such a delicate and petite girl pounce on a man thrice her size like a raging lioness. But I was too busy pissing my pants to ponder upon that. My hands went instantly up to capture her limbs, and we ended up with the girl standing right over me on the couch, with very, very angry eyes.

She struggled against my hold, and her kicks weren't helping, so I finally turned and pinned her down on the couch, using my weight to press against her back and hold her down.

"It's just a fucking bunny..." I breathed in her ear, and I felt her shudder underneath me.

"Idiot..." she cursed in a hiss, and I found her soft lips dangerously close to mine. My temperature ran high, as her hips ground against mine in the midst of her resistance. I found my own hips involuntarily rub against her backside slowly, and damn, I was starting to sweat.

"Ichigo..." she whined. "I'm hot."

I could barely breathe at the statement, though I knew my high body heat and the couch must be making her suffocate. "Promise not to hit me?" My lips literally brushed against her ear, and she turned a delicious pink hue.

"Yes..."

I slowly rose and used my shirt to fan myself. I grabbed the untouched ice cream bowl (the cream was melting fast) and raised a spoonful to make myself cooler, yet I found another set of lips already circling the spoon, before I could even take a bite. Rukia sucked the ice cream and swallowed the thing as if it were nothing.

"M-midget! What the fuck!"

"Oi, you ruined my episode and made me hot again! The least you owe me is your ice cream!" she scolded me, and I glared at her.

"No way! I shut the TV by accident. We were not supposed to be watching Chappy, and I got the ice cream, so technically _you _owe _me_!"

"Ha! Don't expect me to thank you, Baka!"

I grunted and rolled my eyes, then took another spoonful from my bowl and raised it to my mouth, but she caught my wrist and tried to pull it towards hers. I tried to turn my body, but she rose and we ended up fighting for the spoon between our open mouths, which were inches apart.

Yes, the ice cream was almost in my mouth-

Because I had raised myself, Rukia was leaning over me, and from the force we were using, the thing ended up flying in the air. But at that moment, I didn't give a damn. She'd fallen right on my lips and we found our mouths connected and our eyes open in shock. We pulled away horrified and looked at each other with wide, vivid eyes, both beetroot red.

"I'M SORRY!" Rukia almost yelled in shock and ran away before you could say holyfuckwekissed!

I was left back in astonishment and absently licked my lips, to find the sweet taste of strawberry on them.

* * *

CAN'T SLEEP.

We never saw each other the rest of the day. She'd spent her time in the girls' room and I... was sitting outside the door wishing she'd come out. Night came with a new heat wave, and I found myself sweating on my sheets-not even the open window helped ease my body. I'd lost my shirt and only lay there in my boxers, with my hand holding my erection and my eyes shut in a frenzy of lust.

I couldn't stop thinking about her. Her soft lips, her stiff breasts, her hard ass, her legs straddling me. The cream in her mouth, the sounds she made, her gleaming eyes, the way her hair would cling to her wet neck...

I wanted her so bad, I thought I might explode. Which, sooner or later I did.

Once my lust had been partial subdued, I wiped my brow and looked out of my window thinking about the times she used to jump into my room from there. She would often give me a kick or a punch in my sleep to signal her arrival, and even if I would scowl and yell at her for waking me up, I was always glad she did. I never had any decent sleep while she was not there. And maybe I'm being too vain, but when she'd had to leave and go to Soul Society for a few days, she'd always have black circles under her eyes. They disappeared once she was... home.

I had to resolve this. I should apologize and acknowledge that the kiss was a meaningless accident (to her, apparently, it was) and pick on her to bring her back to normal. The thought that she might avoid me, or, even worse, leave, made my insides churn.

I gave up all hope of sleeping, got up, then wiped myself, changed my underwear, and slipped into some shorts. I left my torso bare, or I might suffocate. I could feel the edges of my locks sticking to my soaked neck and I decided to go downstairs and get something cold to drink.

As I descended the stairs, a faint light could be seen coming from the kitchen. I walked over slowly, and found a set of glistening, creamy legs before the open fridge, as their owner bent over to retrieve a glass of... lemonade. (-FUCK!-)

Okay, one, two, three, run-

I was about to chicken away when the girl rose and blinked at me, then we both turned redder than Renji's hair. And once we regarded one another, the vessels on our faces seemed ready to burst.

She was only wearing a pajama set with a skimpy white bustier that left almost nothing to the imagination, probably because of the excruciating heat. She was glistening with sweat, and her hair clung to her damp face. I gulped slowly and became terrified once I found her wide eyes fixed on my bare torso, and she gulped slowly, squeezing the glass of lemonade in her hand.

I should _not _fuck it up this time. Running away would only make things more awkward. I stepped forth and she shut the fridge, engulfing us in the darkness, only illuminated by the moonlight.

"You-you need something?" she asked hesitantly.

I coughed to cleared my dry throat. "I... I wanted to drink something cold. Because of the heat."

"Ah..."

"You couldn't sleep either?" I asked as I approached even closer, which made her more and more nervous.

She shook her head and looked down at the glass she was holding. "This... this is the last glass of lemonade. The rest is spoiled from the heat."

"Ah..."

"We-we can share," she finally offered, and I nodded.

She slowly brought the glass to her lips and took a sip with trembling hands, and I took a deep breath as I braced myself.

"Rukia, about the kiss-"

"AH!" At the statement, she almost choked and accidentally spilled the contents of the glass on herself. Out of instinct, I grabbed the nearest paper towel and applied it on her chest to stop her clothing from soaking, but once my hand touched her skin, she hissed in need, and my hand froze in place. The only thing separating her damp skin from my open palm was a thin sheet of paper. I could not take my eyes off my hand, dangerously close to the soaked fabric that clung to the stiff breast like second skin and the hard from the cold nipple that pressed against it. Rukia's chest was heaving, and her breath came out in short, hot puffs of air, and I could feel her shiver underneath my touch. Yet she did nothing to remove my hand, merely stood still in anxiety. By now, her skin was so heated that the iced drink had turned hot. My breath got hitched in my throat, and I followed my impulse and moved my hand to cup the pert breast over the soaked fabric.

She moaned lightly, and I kept going. It was small but plump, and it fit perfectly in my hand. I kneaded the soft mound and saw goosebumps break on her skin. Our breaths slowly accelerated, and I brought my other hand to cup her neglected breast as well. She moaned even louder and arched into my touch as I kneaded the breasts harder and harder, then elicited more cries from her once I caught a hard nipple between my fingers and pinched it.

My mouth salivated, and my heart was beating fast enough to burst. My temperature increased by tenfold, and my blood coursed through my veins fast. I leaned in and took the nipple in my mouth, licking, then suckling lightly. Rukia was left breathless and panting and I sucked most of her breast in my mouth forcefully, making her squirm and cry louder.

"Ich-Ichi-Ichigo~"

Hearing my name escape her lips shook me violently and made my whole being yearn for her. I rose slowly and looked into her glazed and embarrassed eyes, and she looked away. But I turned her face to me, tangled my fingers in her hair, then pressed my mouth on hers. She passed her hand through my hair and pulled, then pressed my mouth against hers more forcefully, and let me probe her with my tongue. She tasted like sweet lemonade and... something else. Something addictive. I massaged her tongue with mine and we licked each other hungrily. My neck was hurting from bending it so low, so I caught her hips, earning another moan, and lifted her to sit on the counter, which brought her level with me, and I settled between her thighs.

Our mouths were hungry, famished, and rushed. We needed to taste each other more and more urgently. The heat between us hit record heights. I bit and nibbled on her lower lip, which seemed to excite her. She gently scrapped my scalp with her nails, which made me groan and kiss her even more fiercely. We broke the kiss to breathe for only a second, before we were all over each other again. As if we were making up for all the kisses we _should _have shared all this time.

She held onto my bare shoulder with one hand and pushed herself against me, grinding her hard nipples on my chest, which made us both moan in each others' mouth. Still holding onto her hair, I reached down and toyed around with the front hooks of the brazier, which-and here comes another embarrassing confession-my father had made me train to do. No joke, he even timed me!

Her chest was freed in no time and she groaned as I palmed her, flesh to flesh, and the feeling was intensified as I stroked the smooth, damp skin. Her own hand slipped from my shoulder and felt my chest, with made me growl approvingly in our tangled lip-lock. Everywhere she touched, I could feel my skin literally burn. She went on to stroke my abs which convulsed anxiously, and I responded by pressing her even harder to me.

My hand moved farther south, until it reached the band of her shorts, and we broke the kiss to look at each other. We were breathless in heat, and no words needed to be said. I almost ripped it from her and looked down at the pink, blossoming core between her legs that made my mouth dry out. I felt her hand tug at my own shorts, over my more than obvious erection. Her fingers, along with mine, tangled around the band and pulled the garment away, then worked on sliding off my boxers. I groaned once my cock escaped, and Rukia gasped loudly, looking down at it with huge eyes.

I was actually naked in front of her, yet I felt like she knew me, like what she was looking at was meant to be seen be her. She hesitantly reached with her hand and touched the tip, and that alone was enough to make me hiss loudly. She touched the length of my rock hard erection almost mesmerized, and I swore I completely lost my mind.

"Rukia~ S-stop..." I groaned. I wanted to let her touch me, but I was horribly afraid I might cum too soon.

"Baka..." she murmured and came up to kiss me softly.

With a groan I pushed her back on the wall and touched her dripping core, exploring the soft texture of her lips, her wet slit, her erect clit, and finally, her soaked opening. She moaned under the touches, and she downright cried whenever I touched her clit.

"Ichi~"

I kissed her deeply and slid my finger downwards, until I felt her small opening. Then I paused and broke the kiss to look at her with huge eyes, and an angry growl wanted to escape my lips. Call me a possessive caveman, but I knew about the female anatomy very well-thanks, Goat Face-and something was missing.

"Ichigo...?" she asked nervously and momentarily seemed hurt.

I was unsure of how to react, because I knew I had no right to require from her to be a... virgin. I mean, she was like 100+ years old (though I knew most of them were spent in child age), and she had known me for what, a couple of years? And until a few moments ago, we were just friends! Wait, no- we were NOT just friends. We were never JUST friends.

As my emotional and logical hemispheres fought with each other, Rukia caught my face and sadly looked into my eyes.

"Ichigo, if you wan to stop-"

"No!" my reaction was instant. I tried to calm down and slowly asked, "So... who..." Fuck, I could feel the bile in the back of my throat from jealousy. "Who was your first?"

Rukia blinked several times and then blushed profusely and almost timidly. "Baka. I've had a blade reap my chest and almost kill me, don't you think after all these fights I would have worn my hymen? Besides, nii-sama would never let me date anyone."

"Ah... So..." I murmured as my lips drew closer to hers again, happily.

"So..."

"I guess..."

"Yes...?"

"You're all mine." And we kissed again as I resumed the exploration of her womanhood.

I dipped my finger inside, and though it was tight, it was very slippery. She felt amazingly warm and velvety. I wasn't sure how to proceed, so I backed it and pushed it in, then experimented with different movements, and she dug her nails in my arm and squirmed when I curled my finger and stroked her upwards. She moaned and bucked her hips against my hand, and I kept on in that fashion, with her mumbling things and arching against me.

"I-I-ICHI!" she yelled, and I suddenly felt her walls clamp around my finger violently. "S-stop!"

I did, and she seemed ready to climax, yet I didn't want to give her her first orgasm like that. I brought the finger to my mouth and licked the juices slowly, amazed at how sweet she tasted. I pulled her off the counter and laid her on the floor. She looked up at me in need. I caught my cock and placed the tip to her entrance, worried that the size would simply not... fit her.

I looked into her glazed eyes for approval, and she nodded urgently. I pushed the head in, and already I could feel resistance. Rukia gasped and tensed, and I could feel myself stretching her. Dammit, she was really tight. I was so fucking glad she'd lost her hymen. I paused, but behind clenched teeth, Rukia hissed, "Don't stop."

I pushed my way in, trying not to hurt her, but I felt like I was slowly drowning inside of her. Her pussy sucked my cock in like a tight, scorching hot sleeve. Once I completely buried myself, I stopped to take in the pleasure and let her relax. I looked down at her, and the anxiety of pain had given way to something else. Though still uncomfortable, she looked up at me with tearing and gleaming eyes and smiled, because I felt it, too. We were one. We were connected and completely vulnerable, yet we were safe.

She gracefully brought her hands up and brushed her fingertips gently against my face. She looked at me with such intensity that I felt my chest ready to burst. I felt loved. I felt deeply, honestly loved. I felt so loved that I was almost ashamed for being given such an exquisite blessing. I stroked her cheek in response and leaned in to her ear to whisper, "I forgot to tell you something on the rooftop. I love you, too." All of the above.

I pecked kisses all over her flustered face, which made her giggle slightly, and in response, she rolled her hips, and I groaned in pleasure, then looked down at her inquiringly.

"Doesn't it hurt?"

"I want you more," she replied simply and chuckled at my blush, "Baka. Don't be such a softie."

With a grunt I glared at her and stated, "I'm most definitely _not _a softie." And I backed out and pushed myself in, making her arch into me instantly. I repeated the action, and her constantly flowing juices made it easier and easier to slide in and out of her, and I started to pick up speed fast. Rukia moaned my name time and again as I watched pleasure and need take over her countenance. Soon she started to bring her hips up and meet mine in mid-thrust, making our intercourse more intense and heated. Heavy sweat broke on our skin as the noise of skin slapping against skin reflected on the tiles, along with our cries and increasingly loud guttural sounds.

I was in heaven. In blissful, Midgety heaven. The feeling could not nearly match my self-service, not even my wet dreams. It was electric and drew me to immerse in a fog of blinding pleasure. I could hardly keep my head; the only thing that I felt was myself deeply buried inside her and her face that glowed from euphoria.

"Ichigo!" she arched back and cried out, spreading her legs as far as she could, allowing me to go deeper than I thought possible.

"R-Rukia..." I breathed between pants, feeling my muscles burn from the force I had to use.

"Ichigo... harder!" she almost pleaded between desperate pants, and I decided to test that shinigami training of hers by violently grabbing her legs and pushing them right up to her bouncing chest, to which she responded rather happily. Damn, she was flexible. I pressed her bent knees to her torso, threw her calves over my back, to which Rukia lifted her hips, and I buried myself literally all the way to her womb. The short pause had turned us impatient, and I lost no time in resuming my forceful thrusts, and goddamn, Rukia cried louder than my dad at Karin's soccer game.

I could feel her pussy convulse and squeeze around my shaft, which drew me crazy with pleasure, and damn, I could feel my ball sack tighten with my impending orgasm.

"Ichigo, I~" her mouth hung open as frantic cries filled the air, and her hands scratched the floor in a desperate need to hold on to something. "Ichi!" Her walls clamped around my cock like a vice, and I completely lost myself. My body moved on its own accord, pounding inside of her like I wanted to break her, and I came so hard I thought I'd met my oblivion. My moans were only covered by her loud cry that could break glass. I spewed hot, thick torrents of cum deep inside of her, and damn, I felt a rush of her own juices squirt over my cock as we rode out our orgasms in scorching hot bliss.

I felt spent. I collapsed on her side, panting like crazy, and she seemed still dazed from her high as she lay there like a doll, glistening all over with sweat and with a delicious blush on her cheeks.

It took as whole minutes to catch our breaths and I felt worn, but the rush of what we had just done would not let me sleep. I looked at her curiously, almost, as she turned to me calmly, still lying on the kitchen floor naked and with our mixed juices inside of her.

.

.

.

DA FUCK.

I am officially the world's most idiotic asshole. My eyes must have been wide as saucers, because Rukia seemed worried at my horrified reaction. FUCK! We hadn't used any protection! Holy shit! My, my, my troops must already be swimming to her egg! (thanks, Nat Geo)

"Ichigo...?"

I looked at her flat tummy as if it would puff and burst any moment. Okay, okay. I needed to man up. Yes, take responsibility. I mean, I already knew she'd be my babies' mother... one day! NOT today! Was I ready to be a dad? Would she want to keep it? Would Byakuya kill me? Would it have my hair?

.

.

.

I hoped it would have her eyes. And her smile. And I would so not name my child after a fruit like my dad did. No, I wanted a little girl whom I would name after my mom, and whom I would love and protect and-

"ICHIGO!"

SLAP!

"AWWWWWW!" I whimpered and held my pained cheek after the Midget's oh-so-loving attempt to bring me back from my thoughts. "I thought pregnant women were sweeter!" I grunted, and she blinked many times.

"Pr-pregnant?" she changed about fifty shades of red.

"Yes! And you'd better stop being so violent. From now on, I'll be on patrol, and you'll be staying home to rest. I'll get a job and work hard so that you'll never miss anything and-"

But my tirade was hushed by her lips sweetly on mine. I blinked. She stroked my hair and giggled, "You are the sweetest Baka. But I am not pregnant, I'm on the birth control pill."

I blinked, and I must have looked pretty dumb, because she sighed and continued, "Switching between my spiritual form and the gigai messes my cycle. So I started on the pills when I came back here."

I had a feeling my dad had NO idea about it (you must have already guessed he's obsessed with grandchildren). Nevertheless, I blushed and sighed, not sure if I was truly relieved or not. Rukia could tell, because she kissed me and whispered, "We have all the time ahead of us to make strawberries."

I gave her a fake scowl and looked away with an even deeper blush. "Oi, and who said I want to have such short babies?"

She supported her weight on her elbows and innocently stated, "But now we'll have to get married."

"W-w-w-whaaaaaat?" I asked in astonishment.

She nodded seriously. "Yes. Kuchiki women must be chaste for marriage. So I'll have to marry you. Since you took my chastity, if you don't marry me, you'll have to be executed by my brother. It's an old Kuchiki tradition."

"WHAT THE FUCK! Has the air in Seireitei messed up your brains?"

"Hmmm, I wonder if there's anyone who can save you from nii-sama... I don't know anyone strong enough..." she pondered, and the blood drained from my face.

"FINE! FINE! I'll-I'll marry you! What the hell, we were going to get married anyway, we might as well do it now-" I started angrily, but the girl started to laugh aloud and hold her stomach as she rolled on the floor.

I could feel my irritation escalate. "What! Why are you laughing, Midget!?"

"I..." she burst into laughter again. " I can't believe you actually believed that! You are such a baka, Berry!"

Damn her. I felt my eye twitch in annoyance.

"But," she murmured as she stood with a smile, "It's good to know you want to marry me," she giggled, and I growled in response, as my angry eyes traveled down her naked form.

"That's it, Midget," I growled and glared at her. "You're gonna get it!" I sprang up and with a happy squeal, she made a run for the stairs, and I chased after her with renewed appetite.

"You are slow, Berry!"

"Just wait till I get my hands on you, Kuchiki!"

I got my hands on her alright...

* * *

After we woke up the next day, the Midget and I didn't talk to each other for almost a week.

It was hard to, with our tongues in each others' mouths all the time. To sum up, we only went out to stock on food and never separated for more than ten minutes. We did it several times (ha! I am NOT premature!... she is). On my bed. In the closet. In the hall. On the kitchen counter, on the kitchen table, on the couch, on the armchair. Over the sink, in the shower, on the washing machine (duh, we had to do laundry). Against the wall(s), against the fridge, against the door(s). On my desk, on the clinic's examination bed, on the staircase (on our way to the bedroom), on the new carpet... I would go on, but Rukia was not going to do it in my dad's bedroom (which I wanted), nor was I going to do it in my sisters'.

I looked at the clock morosely, though I'd been smiling more than my fair share over the past days. Goat Face would be here in about ten minutes. I groaned inwardly and looked over the house as Rukia's irritated growls could be heard from the bathroom upstairs, where she'd locked herself for almost half an hour.

"Damn you, Strawberry!" she cursed aloud, and I snorted.

She was so damned pissed when she inspected herself this morning after she put some clothes on for once in five days. I had left many love marks on her, most in private places, but many kissing marks on her thighs and neck. Sure I got myself a nice big kick once she found out. But I didn't regret it; she'd given me her share of hickeys as well. I just didn't have as pale and delicate skin to show them off.

I looked around the house suddenly nervous, I knew very well why my Midget was so mad. Sure she was pissed because it would show, but more importantly, because if they saw the marks, my family would know. I didn't want my sisters to feel uncomfortable with the thought of their big brother fornicating next door, nor did I want my dad in our fucking face about grandbabies. And Rukia wanted to keep everything on the down-low, until she could break the news to her brother (which would not be until I was able to effectively defend myself against the wrath of his bankai).

The plan was simple: Hide the evidence.

We'd polished and shined EVERYTHING. Freaking everything. Not even Yuzu on Christmas mode cleaned this thoroughly. The house smelled like flower-scented cleanser, the floors shone hard enough to blind you, the windows were so clear you could swear they weren't there, the clothes were clean and ironed, every wall was wiped, the rugs had come back from the cleaner's, the clinic bed was sterilized, the whole kitchen was bleached, and everything was vacuumed, dusted and made new. We even thoroughly scrubbed ourselves (and each other) completely clean and got rid of each others' smell on our skin (damn, I liked smelling of Midget).

Rukia came down the steps quickly and anxiously, and she wore a long, ankle-length dress with a blue summer scarf that made her eyes pop like glimmering oceans. I caught her wrist almost instantly and pulled her to me, but she pouted when I made to kiss her.

"Ichigo, not now..."

"Come on..."

"Promise you won't bite," she whispered, and I nodded as I sat her on my lap.

Half way into our make-out session, we beheld the evil that was to draw upon us.

"THERE WE ARE, GIRLS!"

Everything seemed to move in fast forward. We both jumped and sprinted to the living room, and before my father had unlocked the door, we had taken on perfect poker faces as I pretended to watch TV. Rukia sat on the farthest edge of the couch and pretended to read a manga. Our hearts must have been beating like mad, but we were damn good at keeping a straight face, especially when my dad banged the door open and yelled, "CHILDREEEEN! I HOPE YOU ARE DRESSED!"

FUCK! Rukia immediately hid her head behind the manga because it was red as hell.

"Otou-san, why would they not be dressed?" asked Yuzu innocently, and I felt guilty in view of ruining her pure thoughts.

A mocking chuckle elicited from my lovingly sarcastic sister, who replied slyly, "They may be in their PJ's, Yuzu."

"Oh wait, here they are! Ichi-nii! Rukia-nee!" squealed Yuzu happily.

We both turned for a fraction of a second to say hi, and upon encountering my dad's broad smile, we turned to our employments seemingly indignantly.

"SO!" roared my dad, and suddenly we found him leaning over the back of the couch and regarding us excitedly. We pretended not to notice.

He started to scowl, and his eyes minimized to slits when he pulled out a measuring tape (who the fuck carries a measuring tape!?) and measured the distance between Rukia and me, which must have obviously been farther than even friends would sit. I felt his stinky breath on my face, and I fucking jumped out of my skin when I turned and found his face an inch from mine, eying me suspiciously.

"What the fuck, Old Man!" I growled, and he turned to a blinking Midget, who looked at him in question as he looked at her closely, too, which made me grab the back of his Hawaiian shirt and throw him away before he discovered anything.

"Otou-san! What's the matter?"

Seriously Yuzu, stop asking questions!

I watched my dad from the corner of my eye, as he inspected the house and then, pouting, quickly ran upstairs to (judging by the near-breaking of my door) my bedroom. I would later find out he'd turned my bed over, looked into my closet and my laundry to see if we'd kept busy.

He came back down, still holding that suspicious scowl, which made both girls curious, and Rukia and I held our breaths. Suddenly, he stopped, looked around the neatly cleaned, perfectly ordered house, and after he inspected every surface to find that it had been scrubbed clean...

OH GOD.

"Otou-san...?"

My father, now in tears, threw himself over my mother's XXL poster and screamed to the heavens,

"MASAKIIIIIII! GRANDBABIES!"

**_xxxK_**


End file.
